A/N: I CAN ALREADY SEE YOU GUYS FREAKING OUT OVER THE TITLE. SORRY, I'M AN ASS. ALSO, SORRY FOR THE SHORT UPDATE, I JUST STARTED MY NEW SUMMER THING AND ITS SO TIRING SO I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO WRITE.
SONG CHOICE FOR THIS CHAPTER: LEAVIN' BY JESSIE McCARTNEY.
Riley
English officially became one of my favorite classes, well not class. I only liked English because it was the one class that me and Lucas had together where we did absolutely nothing. Our teacher didn't give a damn if we were doing anything. As long as no one had a broken bone, was bleeding, or dying, he really couldn't care less. It took a few months for Lucas to officially adjust to the nothing of this class, but it's November, he's use to it by now.
My hands were currently entangled in his hair, the others around us no longer caring. They seemed to be really upset that we were dating, the girls especially. They eventually got over my new found happiness, sorry to disappoint.
Our chairs were basically touching, the two of us pulling them closer together to close the long gap between us. My feet were draped over his lap putting my weight all on him.
There was something off about Lucas, something minor but obvious. The way that he couldn't pay attention to my sentences or put effort into out conversation made my mind wander to places that I didn't even want to think of.
My first thought went to him cheating, but he lives with me, I doubt that he would cheat on me. We spend almost every minute together, if he had another girlfriend it would make it virtually impossible for him to ever see her.
The second thought was the fact that he had his first ever conversation with his mother this morning. I woke up to him whispering across the room in the middle of an argument, I called out for him as he slammed the phone shut walking back into our bed.
"What is it?" I whispered taking my hands out of his hair. I tugged on his arms as I pulled myself an impossible closer to him. I wanted so badly to fix whatever problem he was having. I wanted to wave my magic wand and make everything better for him but unfortunately, the world sucks.
"My mom wants me to move across the country to live with her for a while." He muttered untangling ourselves. He pulled away from me resting his head against his arm on the table. He looked away from me, probably to keep from seeing my reaction.
It felt like all of my walls were crumbling down. This was the boy that was suppose to break me. He was suppose to take me apart piece by piece and rebuild a new me, a better me. I finally felt at home with him.
The feelings I felt were so unexplainable. I wanted to rip my heart out of my chest and slam it on the ground. I didn't want feelings, I didn't need feelings. I was much better off before I met him. I didn't want to know him. I didn't want to feel this pain.
It almost felt like I was drowning. Scratch almost, it did feel like I was drowning. I was barely holding on before I met him. I always wanted an escape, an escape from life. He was my escape, my final shot at something good.
The walls continued to crash as he moved farther away from me. He didn't even dare to look away from me, but I didn't blame him. The immense pain in my face would have been enough for him to snap, and none of us needed that.
I reached out for him wrapping my fingers in his fingers. Unexpectedly, he pulled me closer. I stood up pushing my chair closer to his, almost like our previous arrangement. I rested my head on his shoulder as his thumb rubbed my hand.
That small movement between us made my heart speed up. I felt the electricity soar throughout my body. I put my hand over his heart to see how he was doing. Just like before, his heart was a few beats ahead of mines. I felt his whole body stop as I kissed his neck. I did it subtlety not wanting the rest of the class in our business.
"I told her I would go, but only until the end of the school year." He said. My immediate reaction was to pull my hands away. I regretted it after looking at his purely hurt face. "It pains me so much knowing that I can hurt you like this, that I have hurt you like this." He whispered looking down to the ground.
The pain in my heart grew bigger as he said that he was in pain. I wanted so bad to pull his hand back and make him feel better, except that everything that I was thinking of was not class appropriate.
In a way, this boy did break me, just not the way that I wanted.
~ ~ ~
I wanted nothing between us to change. I wanted to go back in time and prevent his mom from leaving, I had no idea how, but I knew that if I was given the chance I would figure it out.
There was a bitterness left between the two of us. It felt almost wrong for us not to be together. I wanted to be here with him, but he decided to go out and deal with his anger, good for him I suppose.
I was currently packing away some of his things, trying to help him get his things packed as soon as possible so that we could spend his last couple of weeks together. I started with his desk, the desk that we picked out together from the thrift store. On his desk were pictures of the both of us, either taken by August or Farkle. Even thought Lucas wasn't Farkle's biggest fan, he learned how to tolerate him.
I was hanging out with Farkle more this year then any of the past years combined. It felt comforting to have him around, someone that had known me forever. It was interesting to see how much we both changed over the years.
I learned that his parents were no longer together. They split up the year after my parents died, how I didn't know that would always be a mystery to me.
His mom moved far, far away from here taking his little sister with her and never turned back. How a mother could do that would always puzzle me. How could she pick up and leave, did she not care enough for Farkle to stay?
In a way, I wish that I had known about his parents divorce and his mothers departing. I would have comforted him when he really needed it instead of now, years later.
It was unfair to me, how parents could just leave when other parents had no choice in staying. They got the wonderful gift of being a parent and they threw it away. There are so many parents that wished that they could stay and got no choice while there were parents like his and so many others that just left.
Lucas and Farkle were alike that way. The two of them striking up a conversation about their parents in front of me made me numb. I knew that they would stop if I told them too but it seemed unfair to be selfish and tell them to stop talking because I didn't have parents. Grow up, get over it.
The way that they both kind of got along was always strange to me. They clicked in the weirdest ways. They both despised each other but liked each other at the same time. Lucas punched Farkle and Farkle kissed me. It seemed odd for them to be friends, but I didn't complain.
My hands put down the picture of me and Lucas and picked up the picture of him and his mom. She looked a lot like him in many ways. They had the same amber green eyes and ashy blonde/brown hair. It only made me wonder what his dad looked like.
"Whatcha looking at?" A voice behind me whispered into my ear. His hands wrapped around my waist swaying me side to side. A smile spread across my face as he leaded me over to the bed. We laid together, me wrapped around him.
My heart danced as he buried his face in my hair. I traced circles on his back as he squeezed me closer. I took in a deep breath as my lungs filled with his intoxicating scent.
I never wanted us to leave our current position. I wanted for us to be wrapped in each others worlds for the rest of our lives. I needed nothing more than him. Knowing that I would wake up to him every single morning was just enough for me. I wanted him, in so many ways.
