holiday syndrome

7. the hotel

"we come undone"

gif: marley

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     MARLEY loved the way alcohol put a hazy spell over her mind, giving her an entirely different and simpler outlook on the world. For instance, a tenth glass of champagne was a much better idea than her second had been and lying on the floor was suddenly a fantastic idea.

     Mads was possibly just as drunk as her but nothing like Marley had expected. Whatever was left of the tame mannered man that she knew was hidden deep within him. He had turned into a talkative and intriguingly chipper version of himself that Marley was frankly scared of. She didn't know what to say to the alarmingly witty and chatty man while her own mind was muddled by thoughts of sleep and memories of taking photos of her very first cat.

     "I miss my cat, she was the only person in my family that didn't hate me," Marley exclaimed loudly, a hint of depression creeping into her voice. She took another gulp of alcohol and rolled back onto the creamy white carpet, looking up at the engraved ceiling. Mads was sitting in a cushioned chair a few feet away and drumming against the edge of the seat, unable to stay completely still.

     Perhaps that wasn't a new observation but Marley was too drunk to tell.

     "I thought you and your mother were close? Mackenzie is jealous of how much your mother loves you. She once called me in the middle of the work to rant endlessly about how much she hated your mother for it."

     Marley looked quickly to the slumped man in his chair with wide eyes. He seemed to regret recalling the memory out loud and cringed at the slight look of horror on Marley's face, realizing he couldn't take his words back.

     "My mother loves me but for all the wrong reasons. I mean she loves that I'm safe, that I'm independent and strong willed. But she also loves that I never leave her, that I'm the perfect daughter and never put myself out there. Isn't a mother supposed to want more for her child? Sometimes I just figure she's decided that Mackenzie has accomplished enough for the both of us."

     "I believe you," Mads' responded quietly.

     "Well you'd be the only one then. Nobody ever believes me anymore, I'm not the successful child or the sick mother. So I guess I'm the disappointment or something."

     "You complain a lot but you're not alone. No one ever believed me either. My entire childhood was a seemingly endless black comedy where nothing ever worked in favour for the lead. I don't think I'll ever be able to be truly selfless after all of those years of never getting a single apology."

     If Marley hadn't been hanging onto every word, then she would have misinterpreted the flash of anger in his voice to be annoyance. She would have assumed he was spoiled and bitter, or maybe even joking. But there was something else there, mixed with the anger that had gotten more clear with every word. He had a different way of speaking than she did, a different way of presenting his words, but ultimately he was telling the same story.

     "It's all about the narrative. You're only a lead in your own story, Mads."

     Mads seemed to understand what it felt like to be dangerously alone with everyone against him. Or maybe not everyone, maybe it was just one curse like Marley found herself dealing with. For her it was the evil sister of every good tale that never seemed to quite stay realistic throughout the story. Marley had been waiting years for Mackenzie to change her nature and become the hero of the story, especially because Marley wasn't nearly strong enough to be the hero herself.