The Past Keeps Following Me

nine minutes

I didn't remember falling asleep, but I must have, as I was woken by my phone blaring. Last night's events hadn't even crossed my mind until after I swiped my phone.
"Sam, here," I sighed groggily, rubbing my face as if I was rubbing the remaining sleepiness away.
"Morning, sleeping beauty," Ross practically sung.
"Is this a dream?" I asked out loud, and Ross responded by chuckling.
"Come to our spot, Sam. I'm waiting."
The phone went dead in my hands, but I didn't need him to explain. I knew where he would be.
•*•*•*•*•
I pulled up outside the building where we shot the You're Turning Into John Wayne music video all those years ago. The building hadn't been used in years, so Ross and I turned it into our own little den. The roof had caved in a while ago, so when we lay down on the second floor at dark, the starry sky became out ceiling.
I ran my thumb along my lower lip, remembering all of the times we had shared here.
I shuffled past the broken door and almost skipped towards the rotting staircase. Butterflies raced in my stomach, but I wasn't nervous. I knew that he was feel, I could sense it.
As I made it to the top of the staircase, my phone buzzed with a message from Bonnie.
1 new message:
10:36am BonBon
Hey. Need 2 tlk. Call me.

I switched my phone to flight mode and slid it into my pocket. Bonnie's text sounded urgent, but I didn't want anything to ruin this moment. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I reached the final step.
"Sam."
He voice will forever melt my insides like warm butter, and I'm pretty sure that I forget to breathe everytime he says my name.
I turned to face where the sound came from, and I opened my eyes. The room looked different during the daytime; instead of the yellowing light invading the darkness through the window, a greyish light spread through the room, making each speck of dust that lightly danced in the air prominent. He sat on our rug, his smile reaching the creases in the corners of his eyes.
I didn't think. I just fell on him, my arms finding their own place around his body as I pressed my lips to his own. But I quickly pulled back, pushing myself backwards so that my arse was pressing against the cold, dead wood. Something wasn't right; he didn't smell like Ross, he didn't radiate Ross' warmth and happiness. He was cold, he smelt like the rotting wood, and his body operated awkwardly, twitching every few seconds. Dead.
I inspected his face properly. I hadn't had the chance to look at him properly during the brief encounters after his death. His hair and beard was lifeless, his skin; pale and bruised, and he moved as if he had chains weighing him down. It chilled me to the bone to see him like this. I closed my eyes, not sure what to feel.
"Sam, it's still me.." he spoke softly. He definitely sounded like Ross. But when I opened my eyes, he wasn't Ross. He stretched his hand out towards me and I flinched, looking towards the ground in panic. Not real, not real, not real, I chanted in my head over and over.
I dared a glance back at Ross, but all that was left was a dark outline in the dust.
.•.•.•.•.•.
I sat in the room, alone, for what felt like forever. I tried calling out to him, willing him to come back. I apologised to him over and over in my head for what I thought; I should've just been glad to have him back.
But as the hours crawled by and the shadows moved in sync with the sun, I wondered whether I imagined the whole thing. But how could I imagine death hanging over someone as bright as Ross like a thick fog? The imagine made me shudder, and I finally decided to pick myself up and go home.
I leaned against the yellow car and checked through my messages.
(8) Missed Calls
BonBon 10:47am
BonBon 10:49am
BonBon 10:53am
....

(5) Messages
BonBon 10:46am
Ross is here. At your place.

As soon as I saw that message I dove into the car, trying to jam the key into the ignition. I sped away from the building and twisted my watch around, no longer caring to be safe. 1:05pm. Maybe he was really here, and he'd simply gone to visit Bonnie. But her text was sent only minutes after he's disappeared, and Ross' apartment was well over a mile away. Was Ross a ghost?
I laughed out loud at that thought.
"A ghost," I struggled to say to myself. I shook my head, it sounded even sillier out loud.
I screeched into the car park, not really pulling into one particular space, and I thundered towards the complex.
I burst through my door, and Bonnie rushed to meet me in the livingroom. But I already saw it on her face.
"He's gone.." I breathed, trying to catch my breath. Man, I should've paid attention to Coach Maltby in high school instead of gossiping with friends. She nodded sadly, her eyes cast to the floor. In the same instance, she squinted her eyes at me and somehow raised her eyebrows at the same time.
"You... believe me?" she sounded shocked.
I nodded hesitantly, slightly confused.
Her sadness returned. "Barry couldn't see him."
Again, this perplexed me.
"What do you mean?"
"Barry thinks I'm crazy," she shook her head, taking a seat on the beaten couch. She placed a hand beside her and stroked the seat gently. "Sam, he just walked out of the bedroom-" she moved her finger along the room, as if retracing his steps. "-and he sat right next to me, and smiled."
I took sat next to Ross' "supposed" seat, and shot a concerned look at Bon.
"What did he say?" I asked curiously. Did he mention visiting me?
This time it was Bonnie's turn to look confused. She shook her head once more, her gingery eyebrows furrowed.
"He's not spoken to me after the...accident." She lowered her voice on the last word, looking left and right as if she expected to see Ross himself eavesdropping.
"He's visited you before?"
"Yes.." she leaned away, placing her head into her hands. "This was the first time he visited when someone else was with me."
She sighed, running her hands through her hair.
"I saw him this morning," I stated proudly. She stopped mid yawn, her hand hovering in the air, her mouth open. "He told me to meet him somewhere-"
"Hold the fuck up," she moved closer towards me. "he speaks to you?"
Man, this was one weird-ass conversation.
"Yeah- I see him sometimes in the weirdest of places..."
I studied Bonnie's face. Her cheekbones were definitely more prominent than I remembered, and her freckles seemed drastically darker than her abnormally pale skin, which looked even more pale when compared to the darkened lavender rings under her eyes. She was struggling too, it seemed.
"Sam, he's driving me insane," she whispered, looking right at me with wide, panicked eyes. "He's everywhere I go. And that's not even the worst part-" she edged even closer and cupped my ear, "-he wants me to join him, Sam."
I flinched away from her. I knew what she meant, but I disguised my utter horror with confused shock, pretending not to know what she meant.
She shook her head, wiping the cold sweat off her hands and walking briskly to the door. "You don't understand."
She turned the handle and left me alone with Max on the flickering television screen, just like the first night.