The Pearl

The Day My Music Died

My world would never be the same without him.It was a normal day in June. The weather was warm and bright - another normal unpredictable day in Dallas. I had been in school all day then to work. I worked for a few hours and then went to Robbie's house and waited on him to come home. I was watching True Grit with Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Josh Brolin. Josh and I loved that movie and already recited movie lines to each other. The night before, he had come over to our house and told our dad that he hadn't been feeling good and he went to the doctor and he had strep throat. They had big plans that weekend and were going to our ranch in west Texas. My dad told him to take his medicine and hoped that he would feel better by tomorrow.

Friday morning, my brother was off of work at the pharmacy and enjoyed his time sleeping in. As the afternoon came near, my dad tried to call my brother to let him know that he would be running late and that he would get off at 3pm then they would leave. If you knew my brother, you knew that he would rarely have his phone on him at the most inconvenient times. He would often put it on vibrate or sleep right though the phone calls. After numerous times of trying to call him and no answer, my mom tried and nothing. She called me around 4pm or so and stated that she could not get a hold of Josh and wanted to know if I had spoken to him and I had not.

Come to think of it, I had not talked to him in 5 days, which was weird for us. I texted him and no reply. About 5 minutes later she called and said she was going to go over to his apartment and wanted to know how to get there.
Something told me to meet her over there too.

His apartment was near woods and you had to go up some stairs when entering his apartment so he wouldn't hear you knocking if you were there. I met my mom there and she had been knocking on the wrong apartment. The person who lived there must have thought a crazy woman was there about to bang the door off. I knocked on the door and no answer. My mother began to call out his name and I tried his cell phone - again no answer. I figured that he was in the shower or asleep, after all, my brother was a hard sleeper. I called the apartment complex and asked them to come over and do a wellness check.

Since he had not been feeling well for a few days, this worried us. About 5 minutes after the phone call, the lady from the office came and opened the door. We walked up the stairs, which seemed like a lifetime. I was worried to go in. The apartment was silent and the only thing you could hear was his TV. I looked around and he was not in the kitchen or in the living room and the shower was not on. I did not want to enter his bedroom; I suddenly had a haunting feeling brush over me. My mother turned the corner and began to scream. I ran in the room and saw his body lying on the bed on his back. He did not respond but made a strange noise like he was gasping for breath.

He had taken medicine for his cough which made him sleepy but when he took a nap, his body then rejected the medicine and made him aspirate and throw up. Since his body was asleep, he choked.I was in school for medicine and just finished my training for first aid and CPR. We put his body on the hard surface of his bedroom floor. I did not have time to cry to feel any emotion.

The leasing agent called 911 and had the ambulance team on the phone. They instructed how to begin CPR and she put it on speaker phone. I already knew how to conduct CPR and I quickly became agitated with their repetitive words. I tilted his head back and began to blow then firmly pressing on his chest. 1, 2, 3, 4 I began counting out loud, praying that he would just jump up and say "gotcha!" but this was real. My mom kept crying and screaming his name as the paramedics came rushing in the door.

I quickly ran out and stood in the kitchen as they worked on him. They put the machine on him to make him breathe. My mom was lying on my brother's bed as I was on the phone with my dad telling him something was wrong. I then called Robbie but he was in the shower so I spoke to his mother telling her what was going on.

My brother was a normal healthy 29 year old man. While speaking to the paramedic, his eyes began to fill up with tears. Turns out that his son accidently over dosed on medicine and this was bringing back painful memories for him. He gave me a hug and said everything would be OK.They took my brother on a stretcher and raced him to Presbyterian of Plano. I called my dad to let him know where they were taking him so he could meet us there.

Until this day, I do not know how I drove to the hospital with my mom in the car crying hysterically. This just did not happen to our family. We were so full of life and immortal it seemed like. When we go to the hospital, my dad was already there. They made us sit in a family waiting room in the front part of the Emergency Room. Robbie came through the door and held me and I did not want him to let me go.

I felt as if this was a dream. The nurse said that it did not look good and to go see him. My mother could not bear looking at her only son in a hospital bed that was unresponsive. It was too much on her and for all of us.I sucked it up and walked hand-in-hand with my dad. There were about 2 doctors and many nurses gathered around him. I said his name out loud with tears sliding off my face. I couldn't stand the fact that my brother had been going through this without me by his side.

I soon wished it was me lying there instead of my brother. Josh never did anything bad in his life, what made him deserve this? I made mistakes in my life, I was the one who always got in trouble and my luck always sucked, why wasn't it me? After my dad and I left the room to go back into the waiting room, the nurse came in and said that they had a pulse. This gave us a little bit of hope.

He was put in the ICU for tests and observations. It was a long few days at the hospital ICU waiting room. My whole family was there for the four days there non-stop. They were a great support system and I could not have done it without them. My mom's family came for support, which I hadn't seen in a while so it was good to have a lot of family around. Rohini brought her baby, Sesame there so that certainly kept my mind busy. I was teaching her how to walk and in that cold ICU waiting room she said her first word ... 'jackpot.' Such a prodigy child. I couldn't stand being at school so I did not go for a few days. I could not take my final exams but the school worked with me and I did not have to take a leave of absence. Too much on my mind to think of anything else.

I wanted to be with my brother - I know if it was me, he would be doing the same thing. I didn't bother him too much while he was lying in the bed. He was unresponsive and did not move, talk, blink. Nothing. After a few tests, they determined that he was brain dead. That was the worst words a 24 year girl could hear about her brother. I just did not comprehend that. He was so healthy and never been that sick before. Your brain can only last 4 minutes without oxygen to the brain and unfortunately we did not know how long he was out.

Some of Josh's high school friends came and visited -Josh would have loved to see them. He had not seen Brad or Ryan in years and would have loved hearing the crazy stories again. His co-workers were there all the time and loved Josh like a member of their own family. The doctors came up with bad news daily, there was just no hope. We waited a few days just in case but it was evident that he was already gone.

June 15, 2011 at 4pm he was gone. I was in the room with him when it happened. A few minutes before they turned off the machine, I spoke to him with tears filling my eyes. I said that I always loved him and always will. I promised to take care of our pit bull Scout, Nippie and our senile dog Reggie. I asked him to send me butterfies, so I knew he was still with me. I was upset that we had so many things to look forward in the future that he promised me but all I had were broken promises.

All the trips we planned on going on. In 2004 we went to New York together and had a blast and we planned on going back and doing more sight-seeing. He was anxious on seeing more of my dad's family in Maryland and going to India to visit my dad's aunt and go in the jungle and see tigers like all of his Jim Corbett books he loved. But this would no longer happen.

I began to think of all the things we would never do together and all the growing up I had that he would never see. When I got married, he would never see me in my wedding dress. When I had kids, he wouldn't be a proud uncle spoiling my kids. All of my dreams of being together were disappearing every second.

That was the day my music died.