Remind Me Again

015

015 (Tamara’s POV)

“Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before. Try and keep that feeling, ‘cause if it goes, you’ll never get back. Then you lay waste to the world and everything in it.”

~Cassie; Skins E4

February 14, 2012

Sometimes it hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can’t have them in your mind. Just one of the slapstick ironies in a vitriolic amnesiac life.

“I didn’t mean to be like this.” I admitted to Dr. BG on our morning session. “I wasn’t born to be like this.”

I turned away from my knotted hands on my lap and I started to face Dr. BG. He has his hands on his mustache as he studies me skeptically behind those round Harry Potter like spectacles.

“Why is it so hard to remember one thing and then move on to another?”

“Tamara, don’t unwrap a candy with a sledge hammer.” Dr. BG states with an exasperated sigh.

(◎_◎;) ? My eyebrows voluntarily meet. “Huh?”

“Don’t make something easy harder.” He explains and my frown deepens. “The answer is right in front of you.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

(⊙.☉)7 “Ah… you mean you? ‘Cause technically you’re in front of me.”

“No, Tamara. That boy!”

I pout at him. “What boy?”

He sighs in exasperation and then I see my yellow green binder in his hands and he opens it in a particular page with a sketch of a boy with wings.

“This boy,” he points at the sketch. “Remember?”

I narrowed my eyes as I leaned in to get a better look. “No.”

He sighs again and he slams the binder on his table, sending me to cringe in my seat.

“What do you think of this boy?”

I looked back at the sketch once again and I raise a skeptic eyebrow. “I think he’s hot.”

“What?” he flinches. “Tamara, don’t you really remember this boy?”

I shrugged and I half closed my eyes. “I think there’s something about him. He looks familiar like… someone in my dreams but aside from that,” I sighed. “nothing.”

He leans back on his office chair. I know I am very exhausting. I feel the disappointment run down his face like acid rain. I feel disappointed with myself too.

“I’d give anything to play memories inside my head over and over.” I said sadly.

“Memories are made through time, Tamara.” He played an hourglass in his table with his fingers. Then he tips it up and displays it in front of me. “Time is for free but it is priceless. You can’t own it but you can use it. You can’t keep it but you can spend it. But once you’ve lost it,” he turns the hourglass upside down. “you can never have it back.

“It’s like with memories, Tam. You create memories but you have to shape them. You own them but then you disregard them. You get to keep them but sometimes you lose them.” he takes a deep steady breath, and then he leans on his desk to face me. “But you know the difference between them? Memories stay when time can’t. But time can heal most of the wounds when memories can’t.”

I stared down blankly at my open binder not knowing what to say.

“Don’t make him wait for you just because you know he will.” he says and I went back to frowning again. He smiles instead. “A simple hello could lead to a million things, Tamara. All I’m saying is: you let him in.”