A Florentine

Chapter one - a boy with a secret

Chapter One – a boy with a secret

The afternoon's sun was mellow and a light breeze played through the air tickling the bare nape of my neck. I remembered the pure, unexpected joy of releasing my hair from its stiff habit and combing my fingers through it come night time, secured from the eyes of the world in my unobtrusive plain walled lodgers cell. It had been over ten years since I had last looked over Firenze from beneath San Minato, ten years of adventure and intrigue, of fear, loss, lovers, my religious fervour had ebbed. Disenchanted it had died. I thought about my parents, would they recognise me now? If we came face to face at the loggia would they see the face of their second born daughter or would they pass me by as if I really was the stranger I had become. I did not even know if they were still alive, but it was at least certain that they did not know I was.

A familiar voice hailed me from behind, 'Matteo are you finished day dreaming?' my master called.

'Ci; I was just thinking.'

'About your family?' Giovanni asked in a way that suggested he knew exactly were my thoughts lay, though in reality he could only guess the half of it.

I shrugged, 'we must think of them sometime I suppose.'

'True enough,' he replied, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I felt a familiar current of energy flow though me, and in defiance against my emotions I moved gently from him, in a way which did not imply discomfort but only an end to the current conversation. What I had with Giovanni was good and I refused to let what I hid from him count for anything or ruin our firm friendship. He did not know my secret and unlike Ionus before him I was not about to reveal myself.

Despite my causal air Giovanni sensed something was the matter, his features creased with concern but he did not question me. Instead he turned away thoughtfully and led the way back towards our lodgings at the house of his cousin just outside the city walls.

His cousins' wife, Lucia, had welcomed us kindly but the house was small and I was to sleep in the loft, not that such a thing bothered me. I had slept in many places in the last ten years. She encouraged us to wait up and take a drink with her husband when he returned from his days labours but we had an early start and the long distance we had travelled provided the perfect excuse for me to absent myself. I lay on the straw in the loft contemplating the possible dangers I would face come morning. Giovanni, my master in an official sense, had taken me on as an apprentice, despite my age counting against me, two years before. I looked young enough to be an apprentice but I could not fool him on that account at least. He said my voice, although youthful, betrayed my intelligence and therefore I was must have been older than I seemed. I admitted that I was two and twenty and he, after some deliberation, accepted me. At first I was overly careful around him but in time I relaxed. Sometimes I almost relaxed too far before catching myself, and then spending days ensuring that my every movement, my every comment, my every mannerism reassured him that I was in fact a young man. I lay awake that night contemplating the possible adventure to come and the dangers that I might have faced. We had been called from Pisa on commission to create a new ceiling for Signore Cosmo Rigaletti. It was a grand undertaking, our grandest so far in fact and it marked Giovanni's entrance in the higher echelons of master painters. My fear was based on the very real possibility that I would come face to face with my past and that it would end with disaster and revelations.

As Giovanni's apprentice I mixed paints, created sketches, bartered forsupplies with market stall sellers and shop keepers, cleaned the work space andgenerally observed him so that I myself could become a greater artist. It hadbeen a pleasant two years, the tasks had occupied me enough to stop me focusingon the past. Sometimes I would still be plagued by nightmares but as long as wewere not near Siena or Firenze they were not often and I could almost alwayspull myself awake from them and remind myself that what I had was not onlyreal but also far better than before.

Thefollowing morning having slept very little I woke to the sound of the bells ofSan Minato which echoed the louder bells of the old cathedral in the citycentre. I had not opened my eyes to their sound for ten years and it felt likeI was being haunted by a companion from long ago who's firm friendship had atfirst waned and then turned to bitter resentment before reaching violent anger.I pulled my blanket over my face and screwed up my eyes against the insult ofsound, the sounds that had once dictated my entire life. Before I couldcontemplate further ways of absenting myself for the day Lucia was calling fromdown below. "Matteo, I have made Giovanni and you some eggs it'll be along day."

"Thankyou!' I called through the open hatch mustering as bright a tone as I could.'I'll be right down.'

Pullingmy working tunic over my head I removed my night clothes without revealing aninch of skin and folded them neatly on my make shift bed before heading downthe ladder and then a set of stairs into the communal space. Giovanni was therealready, he observed me with an expression that I could not place making me self-consciouslypull at the hem of my tunic and ruffle my fingers through my hair in fear ofstray straw.

'Today isan important day,' Giovanni said not unkindly. 'We still have much time beforeour appointment I would like you fully washed and dressed.' Washed. We barelywashed twice a season and every time I had to take it with great care. In Lucia'sbusy house I doubted I would find any privacy. Lucia's daughter walked in then,a slim, dark haired girl of fourteen, she greeted Giovanni respectfully butmade sure to sit beside me and present her best side to my eyes. This wish forattention was not missed by her mother, who although she liked me well enoughfelt no inclination to have her daughter married to an already ageing apprentice.In a way that saved me for instead of drawing the water in the most public ofplaces, the kitchen, she had it arranged in the smaller back room, which her husband'sfather had used as a workshop back when he crafted his own wares. Giovanni'scousin, Alfonso, was instead employed by the powerful Medici family, he was one of themany labourers who worked to build their wondrous palaces and churches.

Giovanniwent first and then me. Once I had pulled the curtain closed fully behind me Istripped, my back to the entrance, and tried to command myself not to shake withanxiety but just complete the ordeal as quickly as possible. The water waslukewarm and there was at least soap to wash my skin and hair, but as Iscrubbed myself with the almost fresh bar all I found myself thinking was thatthe same piece had been used by Giovanni to wash himself, his most intimateareas, the feelings that arose within me caused great alarm causing me to leapup and almost fall out of the shallow basin.

'Are youquiet alright Matteo?' Lucia's daughter called, there was a hint of hope in hervoice.

'Yes yes,no need to worry!' I shouted in reply rushing to seize a cloth to dry myselfwith in fear she would draw back the curtain without shame.

'Are yousure?' She replied, putting on her best temptress tone. 'I could come and...'

'No no!'I exclaimed just as Lucia's disproving tone cut through the conversation.

'Sophiastand away from there this instant and go about your chores, your father wouldbe horrified to hear what you were about to suggest. Matteo has a young womanat home who is waiting for his apprenticeship to be completed, no good willcome if you interference.' Sophia huffed, grumbled something incoherent butclearly offensive to her mother and stamped out.

Nowsafely clothed in the fresh garments that Giovanni had unexpectedly presentedme with I peeked out from behind the curtain expecting to face Lucia's wrath.'Mistress please forgive,' she waved her hand in brisk dismissal.

'I hold noblame to you boy, you have a pretty face and my daughter has watched hersisters grow and marry. She is asking for trouble if she continues how shegoes.'

'Still Iam sorry for it, I would never encourage her affections. But thank you forfabricating a female fancy to protect her pride and give me an escape.'

'You arean interesting one Matteo,' she said after observing me for a long moment. 'Youlook like an ordinary boy yet there is something about you...' She left ithanging like a question until I laughed awkwardly and made some half-heartedclaim about being as normal as the next man.