Whispers

Chapter III

Thalia

"I don't get why people self-harm," Valeria says to me calmly. I bite my nails.

"I see your point," I say as calmly as I can,

"it's so stupid, like what are they trying to achieve?,"

"death" I mutter silently to myself,

"What?"

"I didn't say anything," I lied.

"Oh right"

I leave to go the bathroom during class, I put the seat down and sit. I stare into nothing so hard to try and make my surroundings stop spinning. I close my eyes, I can still hear them, they follow me everywhere I go now, reminding me of what I'm not...beautiful, smart, fun, popular, "cool," powerful, etc. Then you have him, he pops up at odd times , his hand extended, he says "come back with me," I want to so bad. I talk to him everyday and tell him everything. I need to find a way to meet him and I will.

I'm going mad, everyday I hear stuff or see stuff, the most sleep I've had over three weeks now is 1 and a half hours. I have done my research I think it's schizophrenia, I'm almost sure.

I really badly want to go over to Mae but she's fixated on her friends, she has tons of them, I don't like to interrupt her or but in but I know if I wait for her to come to me that, that would never happen. I walk over to Mae and Penelope and a big group, Mae sat on Penelope's lap, no one noticed me come so I figured no one would notice if I left, so I slip out un-noticed. I don't really want to go to anyone at all, but I don't want to look friendless. I hopped on with some of my other friends for the rest of lunch.

It's Friday so I throw my bag on the floor and head to the kitchen, I grab some juice from the fridge and walk on upstairs to the guest room (I share a room with my sister so I get no privacy at all). I pick up a pen and paper and start writing, I write poems now and again it makes me feel in control kind of.

Mae

The bell rings and I go straight to Penelope. I know what Penelope is capable of and she has been clean for 4 months, but ever since she broke up with Kyle she has been a little off. I made it my goal to make Penelope happy, no matter what, as she has done a lot for me, subliminally. Her friends gather around us in the courtyard and I'm sitting on Penelope. I explain to her that if she really likes Kyle she shouldn't let another person get in between them. I explain that they obviously cannot live without each other so she's better off with him, instead of putting themselves at risk. She just nods and asks, "Why are you still single?" I roll my eyes and give her a hug. As I walk my separate way, I shout "Go get your man!" The group of girls start to laugh.

I go to find Valeria, but she's out of sight. I stick with Daria and Charlie.

On my way home, my mom stops at Lidl. I go to get a cookie and I turn just to a familiar face. Emerson walks past and gives me a dirty look when she thinks I'm not looking. Being the extra person I am, I call her, and she turns around astonished and flabbergasted. I stick up both of my fingers and say, "Do you need eye drops?" Her mom looks at me as if I'm crazy and my mom is nowhere to be seen. I get home and leave my two cookies on the counter. I go upstairs to find my full length mirror has shattered. I keep a few pieces of glass and clear up the rest. I store the sharp cut glass where my collection of razor blades are. I go to eat both of my cookies, while commenting on how "skinny" I am. I don't know whether someone calling me skinny is a compliment or an insult because I dislike it. I just want to get away, but it's physically impossible. I go straight to bed, hoping I could just sleep my life away, but I'm restless and my sleeping pattern is fuckery. I think about what Penelope asked me. "Why are you still single?" her words repeat themselves. I can't help to wonder about what my ex, I don't know if I can call him that, Sam, is doing. I remember when he called me beautiful, when he said he loved me. But I fucked it up, I always fuck things up. I sit up and ask myself, "Why am I still single?" "Mae, don't forget that nobody loves you," my inner self says. "Kill yourself."