Dear Alaska,

Chapter Four

James decided to go to the hospital. His hair was ragged and messy, his eyes red and puffy from a lack of sleep. He'd stayed up all night staring at the digital clock on his nightstand, watching the numbers tick by. He couldn't shut his eyes. Every time he did, he thought of her and their last argument, imagining different scenarios that could've happened instead. James would have given up anything to undo whatever happened that day - to undo whatever he said.

When he got to the hospital, the putrid smell of medication filled his nose. He sat in the waiting room for a while before stepping into Alaska's room, where he was greeted by Nova sitting on Alaska's bed next to her, drawing on a pull out table. Nova hadn't noticed him when he walked in. After all, she couldn't hear him. James pulled out a chair and sat down in front of her, reaching into his pocket and taking out a folded piece of paper, along with a pen.

He wrote down, "Where is your mother?"

Nova blinked, took it front James' hands and saw him smile a little. She took the pen from him and scribbled under his question, "Home."

Nova slid it towards him and he read it, before Nova took her drawing and handed it to him. It was a sketch of a forest and a wolf. He smiled at her. Nova was talented for her age. He wrote on the paper, "Very pretty drawing."

She took the note back, but not the drawing.

Nova looked almost as bad as he did. Her skin was very pale, which contrasted the dark circles around her eyes.

When his visiting time was over, James got up, said goodbye to Nova and went home.

He went directly to his room, taking a seat at his desk. For a while he just relaxed, processing his day and staring down at his hands. Then, he took a pencil and began to scribble everything he could think of, until he fell asleep.

Dear Alaska,

I remember the day you invited me over for the first time. It was a bit messy - some dishes were overflowing in the sink, and there were some clothes spread out on the floor and hanging over kitchen chairs. You excused the mess and glanced around, as if you were looking for something. That was the first day I met Nova. She was younger, smaller, and seemed a little shy.

When I realized she was deaf, I wondered why she never learned to read lips or to sign. I figured she was young. I only ever learned about your predicaments when we had become friends. You never let people know about your personal life. You never asked for help.

Maybe if you had let me help you, you wouldn't be laying in that bed.