Okay, so I was better. I was getting better, but two days ago my worry and self hate and depression took over again and now I'm sinking back into depression. I'm not doing okay at all. Yesterday was bad.
Yesterday I just spent almost the whole day in bed. When I did go out I cried. I hate living and I want to cut. I haven't in over a week because I carved into my skin and I wanted it to heal, but it has and I still haven't cut.
I guess that is a good thing. I just hate everything right now.
I hate myself.
I hate people.
I hate everything, but especially myself.
Its hard to even look in the mirror lately.
In fact, I have been avoiding them. Except when I do my makeup or brush my hair. I don't feel like getting out of bed anymore even.
Today was kinda really bad. Only kinda though.
I had to watch my niece all day so I couldn't cry or anything. When she took a nap I kinda just sat there and stared at the TV. I never watch TV. When I got home I ate and I felt so fucking fat and ugly and worthless.
I was so tempted to throw up.
I didn't. I am not eating tomorrow though. At all. I have to work tomorrow so it should be easy. I'll be busy and won't have time to think about hunger. I'm not hungry. I mean, I'm too fat to be hungry. So I just won't eat.
Its getting bad again and I miss him.
I fucking miss him and I want to cry.
I want my babe back...I want him back. It would be toxic to take him back though and I know this. That is why its so hard, because I know.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Dead Diary
Non-FictionThis is a thoughts story. So if you aren't interested then don't read. Also if you are going to read and then complain in the comments, fuck off.
