Ammy's Diary

Chapter 5

" what the hell are you trying to do ? What's all this mess ? " mom entered my room screaming .
" I'm searching for my bracelet .
I can't find it . it's nowhere " I groaned searching in all my stuff .
" just get away from that cupboard . what all hell you created for that little thing . "
Mom pulled me back in frustration.
" I just want that . it's important."
I mumbled checking my drawers
"From these many days it was lying like a useless thing in any corner . suddenly your affection aroused . maybe i saw it In your backpack I remember ." she said recalling
" are you sure it was in my bag?"
I investigated  curiously .
" yes I think so, I saw it while packing your bag this morning ."She answered .
" I knew that . I was damm sure it was mine ." I shouted as if  i solved any mysterious mystery.
" what was your's ,what are you talking about ? " mom anxiously asked . " nothing just crazy stuff , may be I lost it " I said disappointed.
" not big deal , you have many such left unnoticed. freshenup yourself and reassemble everything now, I'll placeup the dinner " She ordered and left for kitchen .
                ***********
" how was the day ? Dad said , you seemed little disturbed in car. why you required all those documents ...."
Mom fired her list of questions . but my mind stopped at her first one . 'how was the day ? ' the most complicated and unanswerable question of the decade . if I answer ' my day was good ' that would have been the biggest lie ever said . it was the most terrific day till date & if I answer ' day was bad ' that would have been betraying my heart. he was the most amazing thing ever happened since now.
" answer me , why are you lost ? "She asked again.
" genuine " I answered doing justice with my mind & heart .
" still unanswered , why you required those documents " dad
Broke his silence .
I exhaled lots of air and explained them whatever happened." And he said it will be done " I ended .
" god bless that boy . thanks to him ,you will get your seat back" mom said relieved .
" you should have called me dear
About all this mess " dad suggested.
" I wanted to, but my cell..........."
I stopped . " I thought I should do it my self , I'm a big girl now . I
Can handle problems " I continued.  I lied coz I didn't said them the whole real story , about my mob , about my bracelet and about him stabbing me .
" I'm done " I said pushing the plate a bit . " have some more , you didn't ate well " mom said lifting spoonful of rice .
" No really full . damm tired , I wanna sleep ." I said.
" it's 8:30 , how come you sleep at this time " dad questioned curiously . " tired running behind that jerk whole day  & tomorrow I wanna go early for
That procedure and all shit ." I said . goodnight I wished and left for my room .
                  *********
Once again it was my room , me , those sparkling stars and him ,all Alone . I was lying on bed , staring those twinkling stars . my
Mind was analyzing every bit of today . memories flushed back &
Jumbled which resulted in chocking of every nerve , artery & vein in my brain . questions were so head full that  it seemed to be overflowing in the vessels . the curiosity of knowing the answers made me restless. Every  inch of me was demanding for
Reason behind his deed . I was lying numb " enough of him ,
Just throw him out of mind " I warned myself . i buried myself in deep sleep .
              *****************
" mam you'll need the confirmation letter from the authority , we can't progress without that " the man sitting on admission counter said . he was an middle aged man wearing grey safari , half bald and and a full freak .I was standing in  admission departmental office , in row of almost 250 to 300 students for my admission confirmation .
" sir please check once again , yesterday we talked to Mr Dayyan Mirza . he said that he'll sort it out " I pleaded .
" No mam , we didn't got any confirmation about your seat allotment . we can't proceed . excuse the row , lots of student's are standing for confirmation . we have abundant of work ." he said in firm voice .
I banged the table with my file in anger and exited the row .
" were the hell are both of you? I'm freaking my ass over here."
I yelled calling buzz .
" I can't come . viral is hell , my nose is freaked out here " she said in jizzy voice .
" go to hell" I dismissed the call.
" today ,you too have a viral or something" I called shasha .
" buzz said she isn't gonna pick me, so how'll I come . please manage today " shasha hesitatingly uttered .
" fuck off you both " I yelled in mob and kept in bag .
"That devil said ' it'll be done ' now who the hell will do that .
Basterd !" I was mumbling in my head . meanwhile I saw that peon sitting on stool outside the office . " Bhaiya , may I know where can I get to meet Mr. dayyan . its really really important ?" I pleaded him in soft voice . " he's still not here , maybe he'll come after 12 for accounts lecture " he replied confused . " thank you . please can you inform me , when he arrives . it's damm important ."
I requested . " OK " he said and I left for canteen .it was 11:30 when I reached canteen , I ordered a ham cheese burger and coke . i enjoyed it viewing beautiful sight of play ground which was directly visible due to a metal grill in one wall. Burger tasted amazing and coke just calmed me down . many students were practicing football for the coming event . I finished my feast at 11:55 , there was still time for him to arrive .i thought may be he'll first attend his lecture , so I decided to attend mine too . who the hell will ask me for my confirmation receipt in class .
               ***************
It was 01:07 in my watch but the mam was really busy explaining
Thermodynamics that she didn't cared about time . everybody was listening her with dumb faces , but I was tensed about my admission procedure. I was regretting badly for attending her so called lecture . ' if
She'll not dismiss this soon , I kinda never get a chance to listen any of the lectures ' my mind reminded me . she babbled for 15 minutes more then she stopped . my eyes were struck on watch counting every second till she ended . it was 1:23 when I was out . I walked straight towards the office  searching for that peon .as soon as he saw me he said , " he came at 12 for the lecture . now maybe in music room " . " thank you " I
Said and marched towards music room .
                 **************
Music room was all empty  as the day prior . sounds of my feet killed the silence . I glanced whole of the hall and then walked towards that mini room,
In a hope to find that devil . I knocked the door twice but was left with no response . then I pushed the door to open it . the room felt almost empty . as my mind was on his way to  disappointment  my eyes viewed something . there was someone in the room , sitting in extreme corner . as I stepped forward to take a full glance , I was left amazed . seeing him my heart just skipped a beat . my brain was unable to access what my eyes was looking at . he was on his knees  on a carpet in corner of the room . his hands stretched in prayer , sleeve folded up to the mid forearm . head covered with a white kerchief . jeans folded above the ankle . first time I saw him in color other than black , he was wearing a navy blue shirt on black jeans . his lips mumbling something in silence . that was the very moment that changed everything between us . my heart pounded so hard that i felt it will come out .I tried to stop myself from staring but that seemed next to impossible . he was on his knees praying to almighty but it seemed all my prayers were accomplished . my mind can never gather the words to explain what I saw. His innocence touched my soul .the emotions that I felt at that moment were all new thing for me . first time ever in my whole life I wanted something soo  badly .Yes ! I wanted him to be mine forever . I wanted him to ask for me in his prayers . I wanted something more than I ever imagined . I wanted to love and to be loved . as he felt someone's presence he ended his
Prayer and rubbed his palms over his face and got up . untying the knot he turned toward me .
He was surprised finding me there . the glitter in his eyes was
Nothing less than high dose of drug . he was someone worth melting for .
" knocking on the door would haven't cost any penny ? " he said irritated .
" I knocked twice . no one responded so I just pushed to check " I offended .
" what are you here for ? " he questioned in curiosity .
" admission, they said it's not possible without a confirmation
Receipt from the management authority . they didn't got any orders for my seat allotment " .
I replied .
He left the kerchief on table and walked towards the shelf for my file . he was looking amazingly adorable in those messy hair . the uneven brown stands gave him a authentic look .
" I talked about your matter to authorities yesterday . they said they can't Deny the rules but your matter is a little different . so they agreed " he said in his soulful voice looking into my file.
A wave of joy ran all over my body . the man who seemed to be devil proved that he was a angel just Without wings .
"But the confirmation receipt ?"
I asked avoiding eye contact .
" I'll look upto  it ". He said and lifted his mob to cal someone .
He talked for almost 2 minutes . he was speaking so slowly that it was impossible to listen his words .
" you'll get your copy from administration office . they emailed your confirmation receipt to Mr . arnav dubey . you
Can ask him for a printout " he said keeping cell back on table .
As I was looking around I saw the thing I was madly searching for . my bracelet was lying at corner of his table . he caught me staring at my thing . he lifted some of the files and kept it over the bracelet as if I didn't noticed that . now I was cent percent sure about the bracelet . but still mystery unsolved that why was he hiding it from me . why was he not returning it ?
" you can take your documents , my Job's done ? " he said to avoid awarkdness and to change the topic .
I was half minded listening to him , my other half was entangled due to his mysterious behavior .
" I .........i wanted to........ thankyou  you for all this ." I said in slurred speech .
He smiled a bit seeing me hesitated . smile enhanced his magnetic power . my heart pounded hard seeing that
Elegant curve at corner of his lips . " then thank " he said to annoy me .
" mmmmmm.....thank you " I said suddenly . he enjoyed bullying me . his eyes smiled more than his lips.  I lifted my file and left the room . while I was closing the door he was anxiously peeping into my eyes .
His image minimizing and and my beats maximizing and in a while the door was closed and he was again lost in his silence .
As I was about to reach the office the peon called me , " you are simrah ansari ?"
Nodding my head I replied , " yes I'm." He handed me  few pages . one was my seat allotment receipt and other was my admission confirmation letter .
" you complited the laging procedure " I asked astonished.
" I got a call from Dayyan baba he said me to collect  this from Mr.dubey and hand it over to you " he answered and disappeared in office .
" what kind of creature is he ? Talk so roughly ,shows as if he don't care and on other side saves me From standing in huge lines and tedious procedure . helps me even after catching me abusing . returned my cell and kept my bracelet as his own property . why did he do so ? "
While I was babbling I got a call from dad . " yes done , I'm coming  at entrance " I picked up and answered .I left towards the entrance with my jumbled thoughts.
            ****************
That night I didn't slept for a second . every time I close my eyes it was him who rules over .
His attitude , his innocence , his smile and his mysteries makes me restless . he was the only one who struck the strings of my heart .
         Dayyan Mirza ruled my mind, my heart and every corner . he was the only thing that mattered , but what do I meant to him ? Left unclear.....

You might fight against world
But how do you fight against yourself ?
And who decides if you win or lose

Battles in your head
Voices in your mind
Thoughts that you are screeming
Hear but you can't deny

Sand slipping through fingers
Your heart beating fast
Oh where do you live
In your present or past

One minute I'm fire
And next I'm frozen
It's like fighting with some curse
that I have chosen

It's faith against fear
Both are part of me
Tearing me into pieces
that no one can see

Oh, Are you scared too?
Coz my mind is playing games
It's I'm painting my life
Like old movies frames