Waiting for the Future

Chapter Three

Sterile. Everything about a hospital is sterile. The rooms, the beds, the walls were all white, clean, sterile. Even the lights are sterile with their bright penetrating rays they seem to wash away everything human. That was what I wake up to a white sterile wasteland with nothing but a noisy beeping heart monitor and a I.V. to keep me company. The pain came as a sort of afterthought when I had finally realized where it was exactly that I had landed myself. Throbbing, pulsating, the pain racked my entire body. I shut my eyes trying to fight the pain but it seemed to consume me. Like there was no longer a distinction between Jace Krane and the pain. But the pain wasn't just on the surface; it wasn't just where I had taken a blow. The pain was deeper, more profound as if it had embedded its self onto my very being, my soul. The depth of this realization made me want to vomit, to scream to run. What do I do? What could I do?

"Jace?" I jumped, propelling myself to a seating position. My body on over drive. It was my mother's face that I saw first swimming into my vision as I felt her hands on my shoulders holding me back, pressing me to lie back down.

"Slow baby, shh, it's okay." She cooed gently like she was trying not to scare an already startled bird. Her movements were slow and deliberate, careful not to break the tentative peace that had settled over the room. Was it I that scared her? I wondered as I allowed her to rush me back onto the pillow. Succumbing to the will of another felt oddly comforting. I looked up into the red rimmed worry filled eyes of my mother, holding her gaze as she hovered over me and for one fleeting second I felt like I was a child once again. Stuck at home, sick, while my mother fussed and worried over me. Catering to my every want and need.

"A few bumps, or the measles and the mumps my dear?" she'd always say as she pressed her palm to my forehead and kissed my nose. My eyes scanned the room, there were two cups of coffee one my mother's I assumed but who did the other belong to? I saw Tabatha asleep in one of the chairs curled up beneath some small pox infested hospital blanket a nurse had probably brought her. I hate hospitals and I didn't want to stay here any longer than I already had.

"Where's dad?" I asked my mom trying to move my head away as she tried to fix my hair. Her hand froze in mid air and she didn't answer, instead she looked away hiding her face from me.

"Mom, where's dad?" I pressed trying to sit up again, making it impossible for her to just brush my question off, for her to pretend she hadn't heard. I reached out touching the top of her should gently and she jumped. I withdrew quickly and she turned to me, tears collecting once more. How many times would she cry because of me? I thought ashamed of myself for the pain that I was causing. My inner turmoil must have shown on my face because my mother gasped.

"Oh hunny, no don't worry, dad will be back." she said quickly and leaned forward pulling me into a fierce embrace as she stroked the back of my hair with quick jerky motions. "He just needs some time to get himself together that's all. We all need some time to put ourselves back together." She whispered in my ear as I felt her tears trickle down the side of my cheek and splatter on my shirt sleeve. I wrapped my arms around her back holding her tight, protectively. I don't think I can find the pieces to put back... I thought and shut my eyes to the tears they had swam too my own eyes. Letting myself dwell in the security my mother's arms still offered me.

I went home that evening like I had survived a battle. Three ribs cracked, one broken, minor concussion, minor internal bruising, fifteen stitches in the back of my head and a wide assortment of cuts a bruises that covered my whole body. I winced with each step I took as I entered through the front door my mother behind me. I looked up and my eyes met the mirror that we had hanging over a table but the stair case. It took me a moment to take it all in, to take in the sight of me. Hair matted and sticking up in odd places because of the white bandage wrapped around the back of my head, a split lit and two butterflies across my left eye brow while my right eye was swollen and black.