The Gatekeeper (LGBT+)

The Letter

I sit, staring at the letter.

Lucas was never a wordsmith. In fact, I believe he thrived on not being very formal. Sometimes I could have sworn he lived just to make my life a living Hell. I always had this sort of love-hate thing with him.

It's how we started.

I always thought I'd be there when he died. I always thought I'd be there to comfort him. I can't really wrap my head around the fact that he's gone.

Finn is gone. Troy is gone. Willa is gone.

But there's Lucas.

I've become so desensitized to so many of life's bad things. But I feel all of their deaths. I feel every single emotion that goes along with it. I wonder if David does. I wonder if he regrets it. With his dark disposition, he doesn't seem to take the responsibility.

He doesn't seem as though he feels much of anything.

It terrifies me.

He's been helping me through it all. As much as he can. As much as I let him. I'm getting larger by the second and he's determined to show me that he can be the man I married. I let him. Truth is that I want it to be true. But in my heart, I know it's not true.

I'm not the man he married.

It's with all this knowledge that I sit on my bed staring at the letter Lucas left me. I've wanted to read it since David gave it to me. Parts of me, anyways. As long as I don't read the letter, it's not real. Lucas is somewhere annoying a different group of people.

The letter means it is.

I look up when there's a knock at the door. David is staring at me and I flash a weak smile before looking back to the letter. He walks over and stands beside me.

"Don't."

"What?" He asks.

"Ask why."

"I know why."

I look at him again, "Enlighten me." I say with a frown.

"Because, in your mind, if you read it, it'll be real. If you don't read it, it means—"

"Okay, stop." I say as my eyes land on the letter, "That's unnerving."

"It's you."

I don't say anything further and I hear him sigh and shift on his foot. I take a deep breath before taking the letter and stashing it in my nightstand. David sits beside me, looking forward.

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

"Come home." He says looking to me. I shake my head and he groans, "Why not?"

"You're making leaps, you are. But I need time." I say softly, "You're not the only reason I can't go home."

"Enlighten me."

"Against all logic, I went into Hell and left the people I care about in danger." I say causing his mouth to open, but I quickly put up a hand, "It's not the entire reason. I wanted to win. I wanted to win for once."

"Win?"

"He literally goaded me, held your soul over my head like a bully." I say angrily, "He took the thing I love the most and used it against me."

"So, he's evil."

"So he knows where to hit me." I say staring forward, "I love you more than anything and I can't help you. I can't undo everything."