Solicitude and Sacrifice

Prologue

The rain has started pouring. I can hear the loud noises of thunder ringing in my ears. And I'm sitting here blankly staring out my window. I used to love rain, I don't know why but I just did. There wasn't a definite explanation of 'Why' I loved it so much but it just made sense that rain was supposed to be something positive since it brought peace to my soul.

But now...Nothing makes sense anymore. The rain now brought nothing but negative vibes and depressing feelings.

RAIN? THUNDER? Why do the clouds cry? Why do the thunders roar? Why do the skies go dark? Everything probably had an explanation.

Wait. Not everything.

Would there be an explanation for why I deserved to be in pain? For why I sit here wondering why my life went downhill? Maybe there is an explanation and deep down I know it but maybe there isn't. I have so many questions but no answers. The only thing I'm left with now is choked desolation.Through all this misery, I keep imagining what this moment would be like if all that happened five years ago could just vanish, ripped out of existence so I could see what life would be like if I had Sam next to me, smiling like he always did.

But that's impossible. I know that.After all I've done. After all I've said.

I know there is no going back.I had to do what I did.

I had to let him go.

For his sake.