Chapter 1
When cornered and threatened, what do you do?
I did what I should’ve done from the start, I attacked. For years I had suffered constant abuse and I wasn’t going to let it continue on my sixteenth birthday.
Three years ago, at my sixteenth birthday party I outsmarted - and insulted - my father, who, since I was a child had beaten me and always drew out my temper, by bullying me and my younger brother. I left the room trying to calm down. I went to get a drink from the kitchen but being the big, brave man that he was, my father followed and hit me across the face.
With a split lip and a sore neck from the impact, I moved away, cornering myself. Instead of cowering like I had done for far too many years, I felt around on the counter behind me and as he raised his fist to strike again I plunged a knife straight into his chest. Repeatedly I struck with the dagger-like kitchen knife until finally, bloodstained and crazed I dropped the knife and ran.
Since I was a child I always ran, always. I had a secret hideout where I would stay until my temper had disappeared, well…at least subsided. I had always been the odd one out, I never got along with anyone in the family and I would always feel isolated because I couldn’t trust anyone of them. I couldn’t get hurt. After my flash of insanity, I fled to my hideout and managed to squeeze through the small opening once more.
It must have become dark outside because when I finally looked outside I could just make out the lights from the house and some flashing red-and-blue lights. Carefully, I slipped out of the entrance to my hideout and made my way up to the house, I had forgotten all about my stained dress and blood spattered face until an officer spotted me and shouted inside.
He came straight toward me, took me by the shoulders and led me inside the house. In the other room I could hear my mother crying hysterically, as I entered the living room I saw my best friend curled up on the sofa looking panic-stricken.
“Please sit.” Said the officer who had escorted me inside. I sat down on the sofa next to my best friend who looked at me and burst into tears.
Words from the other room drifted in whilst I stared at the floor, waiting.
“Where is she? I’ll kill her, just like she did to her own father!” I heard my mother scream savagely from the kitchen, I lifted my head and looked at my best friend questioningly. All she did was nod.
“Oh…oh God!” I whispered and doubled over sobbing.
I was sentenced to 100 hours community service as the judge ruled the murder as self defence. I worked with young children who had no parents and every time they asked me why I was there to help, I would tell them it was because I was like them. Alone.
Still, three years later I can’t forget what I did, I do not regret it but it is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Being so enraged, having such a fierce temper could turn someone into a monster. And I didn’t want that.
The judge had suggested I see a therapist every month for three years to check on my mental stability, today is my last day. Today is also my birthday.
“So, how are you feeling today? Nervous? Angry? Upset?” My therapist, June, asked.
“I’m fine, just like every other day. You know I don’t need this, you know I don’t regret what I did. That man had hurt me for too long and I couldn’t take anymore.” I said strongly.
“Referring to your dad as ‘that man’ and all of the pain he had caused you, and not just physically. You do need this Grace, so stop it okay, and tell me how you are.” She said relaxing in her chair.
I thought for a second, then said. “It’s been three years but I still can’t get it out of my head. I didn’t like that feeling of raw anger but I don’t regret what I did, which makes me sound like a monster but I just…he deserved what he got. I left everything you know. I left everyone, my best friend, my little brother, my friends. I didn’t want to live with those memories of who I was, because I’m different now.”
“Of course you’re different, you’re more mature and you’re learning to control your temper. You have new friends, better friends. I heard you were supposed to be going roller-skating later to celebrate so, I got you these,“ she held up a box and carried on before I could look, “we’ve known each other for a long time now Grace, you’re my friend. Happy birthday.”
When I opened the box, tucked in sheets of fabric were two, brand new roller skates. They were beautiful, slick and white. “Thank you.” I said and threw myself at June wrapping her in a big hug.
“Have a good birthday Grace, and don’t forget me.” She said a little sadly.
“I wont, I promise. Drinks. When we’re both free.” I said and hugged her one last time before leaving. My sessions had been getting shorter as I had been getting better, I had learnt to be more confident and in control of my temper.
It was the middle of the day and expecting my session to be longer I hadn’t planned anything else for another hour, so I went over to the huge Starbucks opposite June’s office and ordered a large hot chocolate plus cream. I sat in the window at the front with my cup in front of me and just stared. I thought about all the times my best friend, Charlotte, had dragged me to karate with her because she was afraid to go on her own. I admit I’m pretty good, June said it was because it was helping channel my anger.
At the counter some girl about my age was ordering some stupid, fancy coffee. She was wearing a skimpy top and a really short skirt, plus killer heels which she totally couldn’t pull off. But of course some pervert had to walk up and slap her straight on the ass. She giggled at first until he carried on, and I could tell from the look in her eyes she was scared.
So, casually, I walked up to the front, grabbed the guys arm and twisted it behind his back. When he struggled I couldn’t help but giggle because he was hurting himself even more.
“Get off!” He yelled, struggling harder.
“Wait! Look at her, look at her!” I screamed and pushed his head up so he’d meet her eyes. “Does she look like a toy to you, asshole? Huh? Does she look like someone you can just beat on and she’ll get a kick out of it? No! She doesn’t, she looks like a scared, little girl. Now apologise.” I said coldly.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled looking down.
I pushed his head back up and said. “What? I don’t think she heard that. Now, APOLOGISE!”
“I’m sorry, gees. I’m sorry okay? It’s just my boys back there thought it’d be fun.” He whimpered as I put more pressure on his arm.
“ Oh, your boys huh? Well, what are they gonna think of you getting beat up by a girl? Next time think about someone else, asshole. Now pay for her drink.” I said and stormed off to sit back in my seat.
I watched as he handed the cashier the right amount for the girls drink and then he skulked to the back of the room, with everyone watching him, he left with his friends. As I was sipping my hot chocolate the girl from the counter came over.
“Hey.” She said and stood awkwardly beside the chair that my feet were propped on.
I sighed and moved my feet, pushing the chair out as a silent invitation.
“Thanks for that. Some guys are real jerks you know? He’s in my class, I go to college just north of here.” She said, looking really uncomfortable.
“I know, I’ve seen you round the halls.” I said before taking another sip of my hot chocolate.
“Well I just wanted to say thanks, just in case I don’t see you again. So thanks, and see you.” She said nervously, she picked up her drink and pretty much ran for the door.
