Shatter Love [FP Sequel]

[3] conrad effect

conrad

"Can't you see it? Can't you understand?"

Already before my mother answered — I knew she didn't.

You couldn't trust love to carry you, as it was far too feeble to handle the weight. Or if love wasn't the weakling — it was the person who carried that love.

My mother — after the things she'd done, the things she'd said — had the gall to look hurt. Hurt for something she couldn't understand in a million years? Or hurt because of how she'd failed me. I was living proof: hands clenched, tears streaming down, longing to make someone feel as low as I felt.

I ripped my backpack from the kitchen chair, storming out of the house without goodbye. We needed to calm down. We needed to let the fire die. We needed to, in order to survive each other.

I slammed the door behind me, taking a deep breath. A figure, out of the corner of my eye, jumped.

"Conrad?" A feathery voice, soft and sweet, flooded my every sense.

I lifted my gaze, and there she was.

Maya.

* * *

"What did she do this time?" Maya's voice softened even further with her dejected tone as we walked to school. It was a voice much too soft to belong to someone like her: strong, stronger than anyone else I knew. It was hard to focus on her words,  as I was so damn confused as to how she always just...knew.

She was a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul, one that I was lucky enough to be able to call my friend. Now — probably even my best friend, as she'd been there to fill the void when he had died.

When I looked at her sometimes, it was easy to forget everything. Her frizzy, wavy black hair reached the middle of her back, and was prone to falling in her face. Her skin was a bit lighter than his, just as beautiful, and glowed deep caramel when it was sunny — like it was now. Her face was round, with small clumps of baby fat still on her cheeks, which she often complained about because she claimed it made her look perpetually like a squirrel eating nuts, but I thought it suited her. The only thing she said she liked about herself were her eyes — which were big and hazel, and a little lopsided whenever she took a picture of herself. She claimed that she'd always loved her eyes, but I knew the countless people who'd stopped to compliment them certainly didn't hurt.

Her hand slid through mine, squeezing for a second, encouragingly. "Come on," She whispered, "You can tell me."

I sighed, looking at the red, orange, and yellow ribbons of the sunrise before answering, "I wasn't really planning on going to school today.  I've just — I don't think I can get through it."

Maya hummed, nodding for me to continue.

"I tried to explain that nothing's happened and I'm just getting worse, but she just — she yelled at me and said some things." I averted my gaze.

For a few seconds, it was silent. "Did she do anything else?"

"No, I left before either she or I had a chance to." I replied, still looking at the ground.

"Conrad, look at me." Reluctantly, I did so. "You don't have to be embarrassed to talk to me about this, okay? You know I'd never judge you for it."

How is she so damn good at figuring me out? "I know," I said sincerely, "I just feel like I'm constantly bumming you out with my issues. I should be stronger than this."

By this time, we were nearly in front of our school building, West High, when she gently pulled me back and looked me dead in the eye.

"Don't you dare say that about yourself. You have lived through complete and utter hell, and you deserve to be upset about it," When she saw my lips quirking into a disbelieving smirk, she shook her head, "You never give yourself enough credit."

"I only give credit where it's due," I said monotonously. "And someone like me doesn't  deserve it."

Maya was becoming upset — telltale signs were beginning to shine through, which happened too often around me. Her nose and lips quivered, and her eyes darted around rapidly as she searched for the right words. That was the Conrad Effect: I was toxic, brought sadness, and a desire for people to have never met me. That was what happened when your burdened people with your own issues.

I sighed, bringing her in for a hug. She stiffened against me at first, but soon relaxed as I whispered in her ear, "I'll be fine, Maya, you don't have to worry about me."

"But that's what friends are for," She mumbled, "To make sure that you're okay."

"I am okay," I said in a convincing voice. I didn't want her wasting her energy over me.

She pulled back, staring into my eyes and soul with burning determination.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean I'm going anywhere, mister."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you." I said, smiling for real, for the first time all morning.

* * *

Hey guys!

Maya is finally here! And just to make a clarification so I won't get questions later:

1. Maya is black.

2. If you have a problem with that, then leave.

Maya is based off of myself, and I am black, so I won't be having any of that Hunger Games shit racist comments. SHE IS BLACK. Deal with it.

(My fault for not mentioning her description at all in Flicker Pain but still not having any racist comments. Also my fault for having her appear extremely white-looking on the cover. Tbh I just couldn't find an image that matched the content of the story better).

I don't think many of you will have a problem with this but you never know and I just don't even want to chance it coming up.

RANT UPCOMING:
I've said this before and I'll say it again: being black doesn't define a person or character, and I will not write them that way. Being a black character is not a huge deal that has to be mentioned every other chapter, or followed by stereotypes. Maya really can be a black, intelligent main character without people scratching their heads because she doesn't say 'yo' every sentence. Stop being ignorant and having one-dimensional thoughts.

Diversity in literature to me means more than just writing different races in stories. It means elevating the standards of how those races are portrayed, because that is the real difference. Stereotypical depictions of other races has existed for decades upon decades, so how is it any more diverse?

Miss me with that dumb shit.
RANT OVER.

Anyways.

I cannot believe it, but my birthday is tomorrow! I'm turning seventeen and wow I feel old as shit lol.

So, are you guys excited now that Maya is here? I know I sure am XD. Love you all!

xoxo,
twyla

P. S. Thank you so much for 2k already! :D