Hidden shadow of youth

The commitment of god

I write  down a psalm from the bible. My head skips along the wiry page. Father Hope write hard against the chalk board. His old hand stumbling across, I notice he doesn't need the written holliness.

In Judah is God known: his name is great in Israel. 2 In Salem also is his tabernacle, and his dwelling place in Zion. 3 There brake he the arrows of the bow, the shield, and the sword, and the battle. Selah. 4 Thou art more glorious and excellent than the mountains of prey. 5 The stouthearted are spoiled, they have slept their sleep: and none of the men of might have found their hands. 6 At thy rebuke, O God of Jacob, both the chariot and horse are cast into a dead sleep.

7 Thou, even thou, art to be feared: and who may stand in thy sight when once thou art angry? 8 Thou didst cause judgment to be heard from heaven; the earth feared, and was still, 9 When God arose to judgment, to save all the meek of the earth. Selah. 10 Surely the wrath of man shall praise thee: the remainder of wrath shalt thou restrain. 11 Vow, and pay unto the Lord your God: let all that be round about him bring presents unto him that ought to be feared. 12 He shall cut off the spirit of princes: he is terrible to the kings of the earth.

Father says I must write neatly, but sometimes I tire and go into my own world. Adam and Eve and me are in the garden of Eden. We defy god which we revel in. Then we spread our notice across river and sea's. "Issac!", snaps grumpy Father Hope. My head jumps up and everyone laughs. "Calm down you wretched fools!". Father Hope has a temper. Soon the class quiets down. "We will be attending a prayer session at noon today, Paster Jacobs will speak. "I expect from all the children of the faith the uttermost respect". All of us obey. Now we learn math. We learn that Jesus had to add the amount of followers to share wisdom. My body is stuck in with all this learning. Our lord is the one and only. The bell rings and class departs. The outside of the school is average, as this is private. To let your child attend, is join the church and submit to the lord. I was born to the church, a prim boy. So sweet. The last child was mother had. Three daughters and four boys. My brother Josiah pats me on the back. He's three years older than. A seventeen year old boy, a man. I sit down on the yellow grass and close my eyes. Then I hear snickering. Noah and his friends are pointing at me. He must have seen me in class, humuilated in class. By the Father. But thats not all. He laughs with the boys, Samson, Jachin, Nathum. They think I'm stupid, naive and blind to their talk. But I know why they torment me. Its because I'm different. My family chooses to ignore the comments about the way I talk. Its more girly than anything. I stride with a straight body. They think I'm a suck up. I'm not. I cannot seem to figure it out. As soon as I press my sandwich to my mouth, the bell rings,

The grumbling in my stomach makes me sick. Bible reading makes it worse. Father Ludwick drones on. "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law". The verses are from our only book, the only thing we may read. Sometimes when I walk home, I see the public library. Father says it's fulled with damned books, liars. But once, I went inside. It wasn't busy like most days. The teenage section was strange. It was like the bible. Boyfriends, girlfriends, sex. Actually let me refrian. A lot of love, greed and power. People will fight against it. 'Diss" it. In the school, they try and keep out minds pure until we are ready for marriage. No talk on bedding, woman or men problems. Except that the work in from the lord. Father Ludwick stands up from his desk. "Class we shall leave for a sermon".

Paster Jacobs is a strong man. Godly frame. But I notice a tinkle of sin in him. I dare not admit my views.Paster walks on the poduim and stares deeply at the students. In strict, covered uniform and with bright smiles. Happy to be servants of the lord. "Godly Students. This day of joy has brought us good spirirts. You see my faithful children. I remember years ago, my first baptizism".