Hidden shadow of youth

Adam and Eve bleed the apple

Abel flings himself into the library. His eagerness scares me. He smiles at the ray of books. Tidy with place.

"If Jesus could see what we are missing, he would make these book come to our lives".

I follow me for some reason, to the teenage section. There is lots of sexual references on the covers. I have only really read the first Harry Potter and the bible. If my parents knew I read Harry sinful Potter let alone come here. The punishment would be severe. Abel doesn't care. He runs his fingers across the barcodes. My adam's apple bobs at the site. Nervousness ranks inside me. What happens if he tells? Those father's already hate me. Abel smiling's, turns toward me.

"Why are you not joining me Issac, you wanted to come here?".

I shrug. I am so confused for some reason. He stops and comes to me. I stand root on the stop. My body goes rigid as he comes closer.

"Do you want to see the cooking section?".

I sigh with relief when he says that. For a moment I thought... I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. That section is across from the teenagers. Next to the computers. I flicker through a Betty Crocker book, at the edge of my eye watching Abel. The way he moves his so clean, never sloppy. His voice is shrill, clear. He is suspicious in his own way.

I actually believe I have a friend.

"Isaac, do you want to see something else".

A park is opposite the library. We stroll through the playground. The children squeal at happiness. I want to go closer to him, feel him on my damp skin. We are almost thigh touching. People look at our school uniform. It basically looks like a conservative Hogwarts uniform. Our shoes crunch against the autumn leaves.

"Why do those boys bully you?", asks Abel.

"I guess because I'm different. I can never identify what's wrong with me. My family has picked up on it and so have the fathers".

"Maybe it's how you feel? You have emotions nobody can understand".

A big tree with crispy leaves falls off. We stand in the shade. We stop and stare into each other's eyes. His eyes are deep green. His lips are curved in the perfect places. His breath reaches to my lips and I feel bliss. I tremble with a beautiful feeling.

Oh god, yes! I understand.

NO! This is sin, feeling a boy's nature. Unnatural. An abomination to heavenly Jesus.

How can this be wrong if it feels so right. If Jesus had my best interest...

The great feeling on our lips touch break apart. Not hastily, a break. It was gentle. My hearts flutters while my gaze opens. I pant hard. My pulse thumps hard. Abel is beet red.

"That was...", I begin.

He clasps his hands on my neck and presses me again. It's more passionate. We have just met and yet I feel as I have known him my entire life. His tongue goes inside my mouth. It feels so nice.

"I knew you liked what I liked", Abel whispers between our lips smirking.

We are in private. Nobody can see us. Nothing matters being with Abel. All the pain descends away from me. It slips from the nerves.

"Abel, this is lust", I say kissing him hard.

"It's a sin not to follow your heart".

From my books. This is called making out. From the bible, this a crime by god. I pull away.

"What happens. What is this called Abel. I have to be with women. That is the way of the lord".

"No! This is okay in the outside world. It's called LGBT and its people like us".

I look down scared. My mind races. I hold his hand.

"People like us will be killed".

"Then we need to be secret. We are friends to the others but lovers to the others".

"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female", I quote.

"God loves whoever".

"We are sinners".

Abel runs his hands through my hair. I wonder if people are watching us. That is the end of us.

"People who hate us for  being us are sinners".

Josiah is in the room when I get back. My lips are puffy from our embraces. I want Abel.

"Where have you been?", he demands.

"You're not father so I don't owe you an explanation", I joke back. He jumps up and wrestles me.  We play fight violently. Laughter is heard from our room.

"You seem in the good mood", remarks my brother. I smirk to myself. Thinking of my moment. Honestly, that was my first kiss. We never see girls.  How can you love something you rarely see? Being with girls before marriage is considered a sin. Will I never make to marriage? I saw a girl once from the girls school. She was pretty but she never appealed to me.

"Just the lord's will".

As I said that my brother's face fall. A annoyed look crossed his face.

"If the lord really cared about us. Would he ban everything. It's his followers".

Abel's lips upon mine come to my head. Josiah see's me smile and shrugs.

"You find my view funny?".

"No, I just think. Adam and Eve bleed".

"Yes, from the ignorant makings of god".

Abel was finishing up in Father Laurie's office. His face was sweaty. He looked up to me and shook his head discreetly. Never, ever mention what happened yesterday. We passed through the door.

"God bless you", whispers Abel through my teeth. Father Laurie beckons me to his desk. My breath labours. The christ plastered proudly against his chest. God is with him.

"Isaac, bless you. I have come to discuss something with you".

"Yes father".

"The sevens sins of which you can be punished for by god's will have been unleashed".

"How father?". My voice is wobbling. Bile rises in my sinking throat.

"I have asked the lord for guidance and he has led me to believe your sin is sloth".

Oh thank you lord.   I am not suppose to be happy, this is a sin. God must know not to tell.

"Forgive me father".

He leans over and tweedles my ear. His touch lets of sensitive nerves. Father goes close to my ear. I feel his loud breath on my lobes.

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away".

Unclean, sins, winds sweeps our sins.

Father Laurie goes back. His christ chain dangling. He smells of green grass and heavy confessions. A burden lays beneath him. The priest grabs my cheeks and rubs around my little stubble. His warm thumb moves to my lips. It rubs slowly on the line. The place Abel explore. His eyes are fixated on that certain spot, a concentration in his eye.

"I have a sin too. One you cannot escape".

My body goes numb with uncomfortableness. I have never experiences this touch from a high power before. Laurie puckers his lip before sitting back into his seat. An awkward silence lingers in the air.

"Come back two days from now. Just before your godly friend Abel".

I nod, strangely fast walking to the door. Father follows me. I don't want him too. In fact, I never want him near me. Nobody will believe me though. Who believes some christian boy.

He towers above me. His hand travels to my back as I prepare to leave.

"Maybe the lord guide you", he says.