I woke up later when Charlie had carried me up off the couch and set me back down. It was obvious that he didn't see that he had woken me up because he just walked off.
I had wondered why he got up but then I remembered that he had to go to work.
Wait.... If he had to go to work... What time was it?
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. It was 6:47. Whelp, I guess that means that we fell asleep while he was holding me.
But that also means that I have to go get ready for school now. But how am I gonna go to school and see him. It is just gonna break me down, and I can't handle that.
You won't have to, because you WILL NOT break down again. You will not show emotion.
Your Dumb
Ugly
Coward
Weak
But you will not show it.
My subconscious was egging me on. I can't let him see me like this. What will he think if I tell him?
I can't tell him. I know I am supposed to, so that I can figure out what it was that set me off. But how do you tell the only person you have been able to talk normally to that you are messed up. That you have problems, problems that they probably will want nothing to do with. That would be a really quick way to get him to stay away from me.
I had a bad feeling about not telling him though. Like if I didn't tell him it would come out anyways. But that is the thing. How the heck would it get to him before I told him? Now I am just thinking irrationally. He wouldn't find out.
Will he?
I hope not.
But then again what if he didn't run away. What if I am totally judging his character the wrong way, and what if he helps me?
Fat chance
Okay! Can I just kill my subconscious? I get it, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm a coward, but I can't do anything about it. Except change it. So this is how I am gonna change it.
...
I got to school later an the day was going good so far. I managed to keep my head down pretty well. Thank the heavens that Sam has not said anything to me today.
As I was walking to lunch I tried to come up with a plan of telling Andrew everything. I felt like I couldn't tell him right away or that would scare him. And if I told him during lunch that would just make going to science extremely awkward. So I was gonna just talk to him at lunch. And then during 6th ask him to come over to my house after school. Charlie doesn't get back till 7:30 so we would be able to talk alone for a while.
I walked down the hall to the cafeteria and passed it to go to the patio. When I walked through the cafeteria doors my eyes immediately went to Andrew sitting on the hill like he did yesterday. And he was talking to Samantha.
There was nothing to worry about. They were just talking. I shouldn't feel worried, after all I've only known him for a few days, counting the ones between when we met and when he started going to school here. I shouldn't feel anything towards him. I hardly know him.
But part of me feels like I've known him forever. I feel like I can trust him.
My eyes averted to the ground as I walked over to the hill.
Just keep going. Left, right, left, right.
I looked up to the sound of laughter, realizing it was from Sam. She leaned on Andrew, grabbing his shoulder and laughing into him. I couldn't help the pang of jealousy that erupted in me.
However, I felt slightly better when I looked to Andrew's face. he looked confused and a little bit scared. But I know I was only a few feet away from them, and I couldn't help the smile that cracked on my face.
Andrew looked towards me and smiled when he realized I was standing there. Sam, still trying to gain attention was still laughing and leaning on him.
It was at this point that I couldn't hold it back anymore. I burst out laughing at how desperate this girl was. She literally had any other guy wrapped around her finger, and yet the one she couldn't have was the one she wanted most. And the one who was friends with me.
Are we friends?
Guess so.
I honestly don't know why she hates me so much. I assume that it was something that had happened before my accident. An argument maybe? I wonder how far back this went, how long she hated me for. But most of all I wondered, did I deserve her hate? Had I done something so wrong for her to hate me?
Andrew noticed that I was laughing, and this made him laugh too. Mainly because, I could tell, he also realized how desperate this girl was. I walked a few steps forward and sat next to him. But a safe distance away of course.
By this time me and Andrew had stopped laughing. However Sam was still giggling, for reasons me an Andrew still do not understand. She looked up at his face as if trying to have a heart to heart moment, looking into his eyes. And Andrew looked back at her with the most curious face I have ever seen. You could tell he was completely mortified.
I could clearly see the smile that he was trying to hide, not because he liked having this "heart-to-heart" moment. But because she was being completely insane right now. He started laughing while he was staring back at her. Which in term, made me burst out laughing. She looked at him for a second thinking maybe he was happy, but then saw me laughing and realized what we were thinking.
She looked up at Andrew and frowned at him, and looked hurt. I couldn't help but feel bad, she tried to get close with a guy she liked and got turned down, without even getting the opportunity to do anything else about it.
But she cannot just shove her feelings down his throat like she was doing. She had to at least try to act... normal I guess would be the right word. It's just that it was very obvious that she was trying way too hard to gain Andrew's attention.
I bet that maybe if she calmed down and tried to get to know him rather than just immediately going on to him she would have a chance.
...
For the rest of lunch after that we just ate in silence. Mainly because, even after her "moment", she stayed seated next to us. You could tell she was mad, and what are you supposed to talk about. It was amazingly awkward.
So then we had went to class. And next period I have to ask him to come over and tell him everything that happened.
Everything I know at least.
I walked into the classroom to find...
Hahahahaaaaaa! Cliffhanger suckers!
Okay I'm really sorry for not updating recently. I have just had a really hard time. A bunch of things happened with my "friends" and with the health of my family that I would prefer not to get into. I will be writing less for a while but I will try to write whenever I can.
Love y'all lots!
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