If Love Was A Drug

NINETEEN continued...

That night Kash laid in bed alone. Jayceon had left and didn't bother telling her where he was off to. Kash rolled over and looked at her cell phone. The time on it read two-twenty four. She sighed. Kash stood up and walked down stairs to the kitchen.

As she was reaching in the refrigerator, she heard the garage door close. She jumped when Jayceon came around the corner.

"Oh, Jay.. you scared me." She sighed. But Jayceon didn't say anything. He just looked at her then proceeded up the stairs. Kash felt alone. Here she is, in his house and in a sticky situation. Kash figured before things get worse, she'll walk out his life. But what's worse than being pregnant, single and unemployed?

Kash stamped upstairs to the bed room. Jayceon was sitting on the bed removing his Air Forces when she entered. Kash grabbed a duffle and started taking her clothes out the dresser. Jayceon looked over at her. He sighed and stood to his feet. He just watched her run from the bed to the dresser as she packed her clothes.

"What you doing?" He sternly asked. Kash ignored his questioned and continued doing what she was doing; leaving.

Jayceon walked over to her and yanked the bag from her hands.

"Jayceon, move! Let me go." She argued.

"Man, you not leaving me." He yelled in her face as he held a tight grip on her arm. Once he saw the tears trickling down Kash's cheek, his face softened. Kash pulled away and walked with her head down hiding her tears.

"I can't be here, Jayceon." She said.

"And why is that?" He replied. He didn't want her to go. Jayceon knew he needed Kash. She was his motivation. He cuffed his hands and rested them on his thighs as he looked to the floor.

"I can't do this. I'm pregnant with a baby you don't even want. I won't be another baby mama, Jay." She cried. Jayceon looked at her. She had hurt written all over her face.

He stood up and went over and pulled Kash in his arms. She cried into his chest. "I can't do this without you." He whispered. Kash closed her eyes trying to halt the tears.

She pulled away and looked at him. "Then why are you treating me this way?"

"I'm scared, to be honest. It's so much going on, Kash. If it wasn't for you, I don't know where I'll be. I need you." -he bent down to his knees and kissed her stomach- "I need you and this baby." He said.

Kash rubbed his head. "I just need some space."

Jayceon looked up at her. He had tears in his eyes but he refused to let them fall. Kash walked away while he was still on his knees. She grabbed her bag and keys and left without saying another word.

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KASH

"Jen I don't know what to do." Kash sighed as she fiddled with the pillow on Jen's bed. They were both going through a tough time. Jen's boyfriend was dead and Jayceon wasn't him self.

"You do what you been doing. Get off your ass, get a job and find you a place. Your welcome to stay here until then, girl." Jen smiled.

Kash showed a weakly smile. "But I love him. He didn't even say it back."

"They never realize when they have something good right infront them. So you know what you do?" Jen said. Kash looked up at her. Jen smirked, "You show him."

"I'm not into getting revenge."

"No, it's not revenge. It's called flaunting your shit. If he acting bad, coming home and shaking you up then cool. But as long as you have that juice box in between your legs, you're forever winning. Remember that." Jen smiled.

Kash was amused. "I'm not going to fuck anyone, Jen." She scoffed.

Jen waved her hand. "You missed my point. What I'm saying is. Get out and test the waters."

"As in date?" Kash looked Jen under eye. Jen nodded as a sneaky smile eased to her lips. "I'll pass on that. Jayceon is going through a tough time. His mother is dead, his friend and uncle turned on him and their both dead and now he's dealing with this rehab therapy stuff."

"Kash Collins, you are not making excuses for this man. He has put his hands on you and came home two in the morning. Do you hear yourself? Your mom's gone too. Your grandmother is gone too. But are you powdering your nose, putting your hands on anyone and blaming the world? No! Don't you dare convince yourself that this is okay because if you allow this, he'll continue to stay out late. He'll sooner or later he's going to start beating your ass. Put your foot down because what ever you allow, is what they'll do."

"You're right and I'm sleepy. We're just going to see what happens. I'm going to bed." Kash said. She inched out the bed and went across the hall into the guest room.

Kash climbed into the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She grew use to sleeping next to Jayceon. Things didn't feel right if he wasn't next to her. But she had to stick in there and deal with it. She refused to let any man weaken her. Jen's words lingered in her mind.

"Put your foot down because what ever you allow is what they'll do."

Kash sighed. Life was hitting home. Kash has lost her grandmother, been kidnapped, gotten knocked up for a man who's a drug addict and doesn't even love her. She figured things couldn't get any worse.