Clarece (or at least how I envisioned her) above and below.
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Yes it is Dorota from Gossip Girl because she's a fucking beast and her russian accent adds to her personality.
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"Mio dio," Assassin mumbled under his breath. "I already told you, you hold the rifle up like this— not with the barrel pointing towards you."
"I a dumb bitch, sorry," I hesitantly replied, turning the rifle the right way up.
"You're still not holding it right Clarece," he pointed out, seeming to lose his patience as the seconds flew by.
Okay, maybe I not hold it up the right way yet.
"Harry, I not good with weapons," I reminded him. "Back in hometown, we be pacifists."
"Too bad you're not in your hometown," Assassin remarked, yanking the rifle out of my grasp. "If any more of the dangerous fanfiction characters come through the portal we're all fucked because you can't even do your job right."
I scoffed at his harsh words and slapped his god-sculptured cheek in disgust.
"You is a bad man," I spat. "My job is not to use these rifles on people, my job is to clean and leave the world spotless! I did not sign up for this. Back in hometown—"
"Fottermi Clarece!"
"Vat are you saying Harry! No one ever understands you, fuckar," I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in exasperation.
"I said fuck me Clarece," he clarified, as he let go of the rifles and pinned my raised hands to the wall beh— oh wait, there no wall behind us.
"Woahg!" I screamed, as his tall frame fell with me.
A grunt escaped both our lips as we landed with a hard thump on the concrete outside of Demon Harry's office building.
"You idiot boy!" I scowled. "You forget we out by the portal and not inside because my beautiful love handles distract you, huh?"
Harry frowned and raised himself up from my body, as I did the same.
"I didn't mean to—"
"It okay," I replied, patting his shoulder. "Everyone eventually falls in love wit me."
"I don't actually—"
"Harry, don't be mad that I reject you. I hope we can still be friends."
"No, I—"
"Okay, you right. I have feelings for you too," I quickly admitted, smirking as I grabbed his other shoulder before I pulled him in close and smooched his lips.
He placed his hands on my shoulders and tried pulling away as I grabbed his cheeks and kept his head in place, still slobbering kisses and my tongue all over him.
"Ew che cazzo, Clarece!" He yelled, as he finally pulled away. "What the fuck."
"Harry why you don't kiss me back with love?" I asked, frowning.
"I don't like you like that..." He replied, wiping his mouth with his backhand.
"Then why you try push me up against wall, that not there, and order me to fuck you," I asked in confusion.
"Because," Harry said. "I only want to fuck you. But you obviously want more than that, and I can't give you the relationship you deserve Clarece. I'm sorry."
I frowned and looked at ground.
"I need vodka," I mumbled, walking away from Assassin Harry—forever.
Because as I took a step away from him the portal opened and I got sucked into it as fast as Liza sucked Prince Harry's dick.
"Clarece!" I heard Assassin yell when I was fully sucked in.
Vat a dumbass. He a little too late to get a response from me.
I floated in the black hole as I waited to land somewhere and greeted fellow fanfiction characters like the horny teenagers from Roommates who happened to end up in college somehow, Lee and Ivory from Started With A Lie, and Jovie and Louis from You Again.
I was about to meet the bell boy from Trump Temptations before I hit a hard, clean, tile floor.
I looked at my surroundings in confusion before I spotted a brunette in a fancy red dress.
"Oh, there you are Dorota! I was looking for you." She exclaimed in a soft, yet, demanding voice.
Oh fuck.
It's Blaire Waldorf.
And I ended up in a TV series rather than a fanfiction. Everyone did always tell me I looked like Dorota from Gossip Girl.
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This isn't even funny and the chapter title is so misleading BUAHAHAHAHA and Elanna I'm in fucking love with all your stories and your writing and your IG page @narryzbitch and you're fucking hilarious and YOU REMIND ME OF NAT AND LIZA? Lmao tf.
