No Time Like Goodbye

Chapter 10- Dylan

"Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could I be so stupid?" I thought loud to myself, my grip tight on the steering wheel as I drove away from the pizzeria. I really couldn't keep my mouth shut, could I?

I arrived at my house in half the amount of time it usually took. I turned off the car and just sat there for a while, my head resting against the steering wheel.

Of course she doesn't feel the same way. Why would she?  I'm just some loser. She's going to Yale. I'm nothing compared to her. She deserves some sophisticated, rich gentleman. What am I compared to him? 

After nearly fifteen minutes of just sitting there, letting my thoughts get the best of me,  the front door opened, soft light Illuminating the darkness outside. Maya, my youngest sister, appeared in the doorway, obviously looking for me. She saw my car in the drive and bounded down the front steps towards me.

"Dylie!" She shrieked in that always-happy manner I found so endearing. "Why are you home so late? Daddy said you would be home at eight! I was getting worried!"

I forced myself to smile and got out of the car, closing the door and ruffling her hair affectionately.

"I got held up, little one. But there is no need to worry, I'm okay." Man, lying was harder than I thought, at least when it came to lying to my youngest sister, who idolized me like no one else did. She saw the good in me when I thought there was none.

"Oh! Okay! Mommy made chocolate chip cookies if you want some." And just like that, she was back to her happy, smiling self, as though nothing was wrong in the world. How I wish I could be that carefree.

I followed her into the house, doing my best to conjure up a smile for my family. I passed my mother and father by without a word, climbing the stairs and closing the door to my room. I collapsed onto the bed, putting my head in my hands once more.

I need to talk to her. I knew that, but I just couldn't bring myself to make more of a fool of myself. She deserved to know what was really going through my head, not that I just blurted out whatever came to it. She needed to know I really meant it. Even if she didn't feel the same.

After what seemed like hours, but could have been mere minutes, I finally found the strength to pull my phone out of my pocket. I opened my text messages and pulled up the dozens of texts between Hazel and I. Her face grinned at me from her contact photo, from the summer before when we had taken a weekend trip to mountains. She looked so beautiful, and this was no doubt my favorite photo of her.

'Hazel- I'm so sorry. I should explain, but I know it won't come out right. I shouldn't have said that and made you uncomfortable. It was stupid and I'm sorry.'

I looked over the simple message before nodding and locking my phone, not looking to see if the message had sent. I tossed my phone onto my bedside table and lay down, hoping for sleep. But no matter what I did it would not come, as though there was some supernatural being keeping me awake.

I finally set up once more and stared out the window, in the general direction of Hazel's house, hoping to find some solace in her, as I had so many times before. She was my rock, the one thing in my life I knew I could always count on.

But I may have just messed that up forever.