Chapter 1
I woke up gasping.
My nightmare was worse than usual. This is the first time my mind let me remember that night. Actually, this is the first time this month that I've had nightmares. I thought I was getting better. Now I'm getting worse.
I look over at my nightstand, reading the time. 3:27. Great.
I rolled over, almost knocking over the nightstand in the process. My body still shaving from the nightmare, I curl into a tight ball on the floor. I felt nauseous.
I couldn't suppress the burn behind my eyes any longer. Sobs wracked my body. I never let myself fall apart like this. At least, not since that day. It was like I had a mask on. No expressions. No emotions. No letting anyone in. My three rules to live by.
My brother came rushing into my room. He looked at me, and froze. I wouldn't blame him. This is the most emotion I've shone to him in over two years.
When he finally realized where he was and what he was doing, he ran over to me. He scooped me up into his arms.
"Shhh... You're okay, Fay. You're fine." He murmured reassuringly. "Everything's going to be okay. I love you. So very, very much."
Jaymon kept saying those things over, and over, as if he kept saying pointless words, they would come true. But this is life. Not some poster you put up on the wall. The perfect image may cover up the ugly spot, but it doesn't make it disappear. It's still there, nagging in the back of your mind. You can fix it and succeed, or ignore it and go on. I am the one who tried to fix it, but only made it worse. I guess you could say that I was too prideful, and refused to ask anyone to help me.
I suddenly realized that there were a pair of arms around me. Touching me. I shove the person touching me away, and cower in the corner of my room. I hide behind my hands, hoping to shield myself from that person.
When no one tried to touch me again, I peeked through my fingers. My brother stands, looking down at me with a hurt filled expression. He must hate me now. I mean, who doesn't. All of my friends left me, so why would I think that this would be any different?
"Falon...?" Jaymon questions cautiously. "What's wrong?"
"I... I'm sorry." I said. "I really don't know w-what came over me. Y-you touched me, a-and my instincts made me shove you away." Then I realized what I said.
"No! Jaymon, I didn't mean it that way. I know you would never hur-"
He held his hand up to stop me from going any further. "It's fine, Falon. I understand. Past experiences." He said gently. Then adds bitterly, "That I could've saved you from."
"Jaymon, no! You tried you best, and if you weren't there when you were, I would've—"
"No, I should've noticed. That whore and Steven should've been—"
He must've seen the horrified look on my face, because he stopped. I don't know if it was because this is the most emotion I've shown to him in years, or because of my facial expression. I knew that I flinched when he said his name, but I didn't expect him to see, or stop. I could feel the lump in my throat. I tried to swallow it down, but it did nothing to help the ease the urge to cry, or throw up. I'm still trying to figure out which one I'm going to do first.
"Oh, god, Falon. I'm sorry." He says in a rush. "I wasn't thinking. Again." It looked as if he was about to touch me again, but thought better of it. "Are you okay for me to leave?" I nod. "I'll be going then. I love ya, sis. Never forget that."
"I love you, too." I mumble. I've always had a hard time voicing my thoughts. Especially love. It never came easy.
Just before Jaymon left the room, he turned around. "Falon? Please don't shut me out again. I hate that this is the first time in years that you've shown any sort of emotion towards me. It kills me, not knowing what's going on." Then he turned, and left.
I just sat in the corner of my room, not knowing what to do. If he wanted me to open up, I hope that he realizes that it will take time. A lot of time for me to fully open up to him.
~~~771 words~~~
