A C C E P T A N C E

R E U N I O N

I lazily traced the brim of my now empty cup with my index finger, listening to the slight ring that the glass made under my touch. 

Suigetsu had fallen asleep hours ago, promising me that he would protect me from the nightmares tonight as he always did. But as I laid there in his arms surrounded by the darkness of his room, sleep was the last thing on my mind.

Tonight had been one of those nights where my brain just would not turn off. If I wasn't being plagued by nightmares, then an onslaught of memories haunted me instead. At first it started off like usual with the images of the bloodied battlefield and the many deaths of the war, but as the seconds became minutes and minutes became hours I found myself drowning in self doubt.

Why had the war effected me so?

Why couldn't I overcome the death and avoid all of this mental trauma?

Was I not strong enough?

Was I not capable enough?

Why did I have to rely on Suigetsu for my happiness?

Why couldn't I believe in myself anymore?

What had happened that made me feel so... vulnerable?

Was it Sasuke? 

Did his dismissal of my feelings create this version of me?

Did he make me this emotionally weak?

Or did I...?

Unable to take anymore of the endless questions, I silently slipped out of Suigetsu's arms and left the room. My bare feet padded quietly over the hard wood floor as I walked across the hall to my own hotel room. Once inside, I regarded my depressed reflection in the mirror above the dresser, admiring the bags under my eyes momentarily before sliding a loose fitting black dress over my body. There was no need to bother with my ninja gear where I was heading, so I ignored my sword hanging on the wall and I quickly stuffed some money into my pockets.

I knew exactly what would calm my racing heart and stop the voices from talking, and it was located just down the street.

"Another one, Miss?" The kind bartender approached me with an innocent smile, probably hoping that I didn't notice his wandering eyes as he glanced down at my chest. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes at his behavior, I looked up at him and batted my eyelashes instead. I reached into my pocket for the wad of cash and slid it across the counter in his direction.

"Why don't you just leave the bottle?" I asked in my best persuasive voice.

His eyes grew wide as he took the money from me, stuffing it in his pocket quickly before setting down not one, but two premium bottles of sake.

"Thanks," I smiled, reaching for the closest of the two and uncapping the bottle.

I almost felt guilty as I poured the liquid into my glass, watching it slosh around gently with anticipation. Suigetsu probably wouldn't appreciate me being here. He never approved of my drinking habit, saying that it changed who I was as a person whenever I was under the influence. But he never seemed to understand that that was the entire point. Whenever I drank, I no longer wanted to remain the same. Alcohol was and still is, nothing more than an escape for me.

And it never disappointed.

With a sigh I brought the full shot glass to my lips, deciding to forget the guilt along with the pain as I tilted my head back. The alcohol was like a breath of fresh air as I felt its warmth begin to spread through my stomach. I drank so often now that the bitterness and sting of the liquid no longer bothered me, and soon I found myself finishing off the first bottle.