Insecurities

chapter 3 the crazy cat lady...

Apparently I always have a depressed, sad expression, meaning people ask me if I'm okay. Im aware that they are trying to be nice, but really the answer they're looking for is 'yes I'm just tired' or 'no I forgot to do my History homework ' people don't actually want to know if your okay or not. Sometimes I just want to answer 'no i'm not o-fucking-kay' however I just stick to 'Im fine'. But in my language that translates as no, not at all. I feel alone,depressed and anxious all the time. I'm having problems at home and have no one to tell. I know that the person asking doesn't want to know my life story because no one actually cares.

Sometimes i wonder, if I die would it even make a difference? Would there be anyone to care? But I don't need someone to answer that, I have statistics on my side. Raising a child till they're 18 costs £229,251 I could save so much money, and the little I have could go towards my brother going to University. Everyone I know prefers him. Why wouldn't you? He's doing A-level while I've just done my year 8 exams. Whatever I do, he will have done it, done it better, and be moving on to something more exciting and important then me. I'm not a phychic, but I know that if I live into old age I'll die as the lonely cat woman, who people avoid because of the state she's in. Even in the unlikely occasion someone loves me, and I love them back. They'll die shortly after we got married, and I would feel guilty if I got remarried.so this is my story. A story of a lonely teenager, who ends up as someone who people avoid and treat like an outcast because all I'll ever be is a crazy cat woman...

Hey did you notice the mcr lyric?? Sidenote I won't be a crazy cat lady cause I don't like cats but I'll be the crazy axolotl lady anyway.