Tridents, butterflies and absolute freedom. (Book 5)

Knowing

Lily

Finn had taken Dolly to nursery, saw Fliss's teacher and explained in-person why her homework wasn't finished, then he came straight back to make some phone calls. Why didn't I know about this? I wasn't a murderer? No, I was but it was for survival. No, murderer made me sound like I've done something wrong....I didn't know what I was. I don't think I ever have...Not beyond the sense that I'm still breathing, a daughter, a wife and a parent.

We'd explained to Charlie so he was running the shop alone today. We hadn't told my mom and dad or Annie. We probably should have really so they don't hear it from someone else. For now, Annie was blissfully unaware working at the nursery, my mom was blissfully unaware working at the salon in the Seam, and my dad was unaware, taking care of all the other stuff I was supposed to do today but couldn't.

"Lily," Finn whispered putting the phone down in exasperation.

"What?"

"Stop torturing yourself?"

"Will you do me a favour?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you ring college and tell them I'm not going to be in?"

"Yeah."

My beloved training as a hairdresser will have to wait until my name is cleared. My mom had opened that salon in the seam- I was part owner and I was training there. I'd done interviews about my experiences in the games to pay for that and the training since I decided it was about time I actually earned some money of my own now my legs could hold me up properly for long periods of time- except this week. It only took two interviews: the first paid for my college and my share in the business with change that I banked in the hope that when Nova was a little older we could actually have a holiday. In the earlier years of me and Finn being together every bit it left over money we had went on doing little things with Charlie and then it was saving for Christmas or the roof was leaking- there was always something to pay for. By the time we could stop pumping money into the fishmongers I was too ill to do anything. Now I was better my little bit of spare money was going to change that. The second interview was in the same day so I went there too. The money from the second I split into bank accounts while I was in the Capitol- four ways for my children, for whatever they wanted to do. Charlie had already dipped into his to pay for college in 11. I was proud but at the same time I preferred having my only son at home because he was my baby....I didn't tell him that but I think he knew I felt that way...he's 16 now and Fliss is almost 13. Dolly will start school before I know it.

I sighed hard. I bet this trial affected business. Which would affect the money we had coming in. There was no mention of state welfare in those plans on the news this morning but I wouldn't want to break into those accounts. Not at all.

"Lil it'll be ok." He murmured putting the phone down again.

"As long as the courts say they don't have a case then yeah."

He put his arms around me "You already know they don't have one!"

"They must think they do though."

"Lil, people killed other people in the games- in that arena-...for centuries- I-" he paused "I killed people in there and no one's come to convict me- they won't have a case."

"Ok-" I sighed " Finn can we go somewhere?"

"Yeah okay: I'll get Nova and we'll go for a walk somewhere if you feel up to it?"

I nodded "The woods- they'll be people at the reseviour?"

"Ok."

Over the last few years they'd carved a path through the woods. No one ever used it really except me and as far as I know Katniss would start on it but intentionally wouldn't walk down it for long.