Faded Away

|TWENTY|

"You've been gone for months and you decide to kiss my forehead? Come here cowboy." Jackie smirked and pulled me by the belt loops to close the distance between us. She wrapped her arms around my neck while I cupped her face in my hands. Something was different this time. I still felt the spark that would ignite my skin when she kissed me. I still felt the warm, fuzzy feeling and the tingle run up my spine but this kiss was strange. It was more needy for some type of reassurance.

The rest of the day, I spent helping out around the house doing some handy work. Jackie and I would be in the same room together and I'd occasionally catch her stealing glances my way. For some odd reason, I had a feeling that something was going on with her. She seemed exhausted, I could tell the second I walked in the door. The area under her eyes was turning into deep shade of purple. She'd smile but it wouldn't touch her eyes, which were no longer gleaming with joy as they usually were.

I figured it was taking care of the boys was taking a toll on her. It wasn't easy, I knew that was for sure, but my mama had offered many times to help out. Jackie said she didn't want my mama to feel like anyone was taking advantage of her willingness to help. I understood that part but she also needed a break.

That night after dinner, the boys went upstairs and got ready for bed while I helped Jackie clean up the kitchen. She was in her own little world with her hands immersed in soapy water as she washed dishes. I emptied the contents of the dust pan into the trash can before making my way over to her. I wrapped my arms around her and began placing kisses on her neck up to her earlobe, nipping a bit at the sweet spot. She froze before leaning back onto me, abandoning the remaining dishes in the sink.

"Baby I've missed you so much." I mumbled in her ear.

"I've missed you too." She whispered.

"I missed holding you in my arms, seeing your beautiful eyes and smile, hearing your laugh, loving on you. I missed everything about being home." I  wrapped my arms around her tightly. She didn't say a word but simply turned face me and rested her head on my chest as I continued to hold her tightly in my arms.

"Is everything all right darlin'?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm just having one of those days. Just gonna head on up to bed after I finish with the dishes. I'm really not up to anything right now." She sighed and unraveled herself from my arms. I helped her dry the dishes and as she stared at the soapy water, I could see something troubling her but I didn't ask about it and let her go to bed.

I laid down next to her and tried to wrap my arm around her but she simply shrugged me away. I was a bit confused and hurt because she always wanted me to hold her. I didn't say anything and let it go.

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The next morning, I rolled over to wrap my arm around Jackie, who was letting out little snores as she slept. I knew she was exhausted the minute I walked in the door the day before. I could see it in her eyes and the area beneath her eyes began to darken. But deep down I knew something else was going on. From the little time I had been home, I noticed that something had changed. She would smile but it never touched her eyes. I would try to love on her or hold her in my arms and she seemed hesitant, distant even. I wasn't sure if I should talk to her and see what was going on or let her come to me when she was ready. I didn't want to be pushy and send her over the edge but I needed to know what was going on with her.

Last night, she stated that she wanted to go to sleep immediately and do nothing but that. I didn't argue and respected her decision. I laid next to her and tried to cuddle her to me but she rejected my touch. I found it strange considering the fact that she kissed me when I came home. It wasn't the same, this time it felt more needy of reassurance of something.  I've missed her and it's not easy being away from her for months at a time. Of course, she'd try to come up and visit as much as she could but she was always busy with the boys. I would always bring up the idea to leave them with my mama for a weekend but Jackie considered it taking advantage of her.

As I laid there in bed with my arm around Jackie, I watched as the early morning dusk began to break to the blue and cloudless sky with birds chirping nearby. My thoughts swirled about the current situation and I tried to come up with ideas as to why she was acting this way or if I had done something wrong. Nothing came to mind and as much as I wanted to blame it on the female hormones, I couldn't. This wasn't a mood swing.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I felt Jackie stir and heard a small whimper escape her. I leaned over her, without crushing her with my weight, and saw tears running down her cheeks as she slept. I shifted myself back and pulled her completely into my arms. I let a few tears slip from my eyes and down the sides of my face. The sight of her weeping as she slept broke my heart into pieces. I would do anything to find out what was ailing her and take it away. I had to be there for her now more than ever because she was hurting and I had just witnessed how much it was affecting her. I was done touring up until the upcoming year since this previous tour was shorter, which meant that I was going to be home all the time.

I finally decided to get out of bed without disturbing Jackie's sleep. I slipped on a t-shirt that was draped over on a small chair before going to check on the boys. I made my way to Bo and Tate's room and quietly creaked the door open. The both were sound asleep.

I heard the television on in Til's bedroom so I decided to check up on him as well.

"Morning uncle Luke." Til smiled as he buttoned up his baseball jersey.

"Why are you up and ready so early?" I sat on the edge of his bed and watched as he dusted off his cleats before putting them in his bag.

"I have a tournament today. Did Jackie not tell you?" He asked, a bit confused

"No she didn't but that's alright. I'll get the boys up and ready. What time is your first game?"

"It starts at 10 o'clock but I gotta be there at 9:30 to warm up." I nodded and started to head out of the room. I was in the door way when Til said, "Hey, uh, Uncle Luke, is Jackie okay? She's been really bummed out lately and I thought it was because she missed you but she still looks sad."

"I honestly don't know, bud. When did you notice that she was upset?"

"Sometime last week. I was outside playing catch with Bo and Tate. She was sitting on the swing looking at her laptop and she just started crying out of nowhere. It was like uncontrollable sobbing and she came running inside. She cried for a solid hour but I didn't know if I should ask her about it." Til scratched his head and looked at me confused.

"Hmm. Well I'll talk to her and see what's going on. I noticed too but I didn't know if it was just me." I mumbled then headed back to my bedroom.

Just as I walked in the room, Jackie came out of our bathroom. She smiled weakly at me and gave me a hushed "good morning". I grabbed her by the hand and gently pulled her close to me. I tipped her chin up to look her in the eyes. I could see the sadness sucking the brightness right out of them. I planted a quick kiss on her lips.

"Why are you looking so sad, darlin?" I asked. She looked down at her hands then back up at me with her ei

yes full of tears. She blinked quickly to prevent them from falling.

"I'm fine, Luke." She replied.

"Baby you know that you can tell about anything and everything that's troubling that pretty little head of yours. Please just talk to me." I practically begged.

"I said I'm fine. I gotta get reasy for Til's tournament. Excuse me." She pulled out of my arms and brushed past me. One moment she was on the verge of tears and the next she doesn't want to even talk to me or look at me. I had never been so confused in my life.

Author's Note:

So yeah 90 years later, I was able to write this update which was promised like 2 weeks ago.

Anyway...

Please check out a new book called "The Article" by LifeIsLukeBryan. She just started it a few days ago but it's gonna be a great book, I promise.

Thanks for reading.

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-Sam🌸