Atlantis Dreaming

pain

Pain
I was ready
I knew it was coming
It was the only way
Pain

I couldn't keep still as I waited for Sheppard and Rodney to return with Doctor Beckett who could apparently perform the impossible and remove my tracker. I paced up and down while Teyla stood at one side of the clearing with her gun at the ready as she scanned the surroundings, occasionally offering a sympathetic smile my way. Ronon, on the other hand, was completely relaxed. Sitting on a log on one side of the clearing, he watched me as I paced with a small smirk. It was very distracting and I nearly lost my footing a couple of times. After the last time, Ronon reached out towards me and gestured towards the space next to him.

"Sit. Now."

I stopped pacing and glared at him. Just because he was incredibly attractive did not mean he could order me around.

"No."

His smirk widened as he lowered his hand.

"Ok. I just thought you might like to sit down and relax for a bit."

"How can I relax?! I still have the tracker and right now I'm putting you and your friends at risk. They will send another dart soon. You know that as well as I do."

Teyla turned towards me and smiled.

"It is alright, Alkira. We are ready and we will help fight off the wraith if needed. We have done it before and we can do it again."

"Teyla's right. Sit down and take a moment, while you can."

I frowned and stood stubbornly for a moment before I gave up, slouching over and sitting next to Ronon. I sighed and put my head in my hands. To even begin to contemplate life without the tracker, I couldn't comprehend it. To be free, to walk and live without worrying how much time I had before they found me. I could barely remember a time when I had that. What would I do?

I reached my hand behind me and rubbed the base of my spine pensively. I could feel the thick scar tissue through my layered tunic, from where I had tried to cut out my tracker many times before. I knew it was going to be painful, and pacing had been my way of coping with the nerves. Now I had nothing to control them. I lowered my hands to my lap and began braiding tendrils of grass together, my hands shaking slightly. I was surprised when a large brown hand reached over and rested on top of mine. I looked up to find Ronon watching me with a guarded expression.

"It will be ok, I promise."

I nodded and looked back down at my hands, admiring how his hand easily covered both of mine. Without thinking, I turned one of my hands over and lightly traced my fingers across his palm. There was a slight intake of breath beside me, but I didn't look up, I just kept tracing patterns on his palm as a kind of nervous tension, and after a while I felt him relax again.

There was movement across the clearing as Teyla's black box sparked to life, crackling before words came floating over.

"Teyla, Ronon. We're bringing Doctor Beckett to your position now. Over and out."

"Copy that, John. We will be ready."

Teyla looked across and nodded at me before resuming her posture and scanning. I started some deep breathing, and assumed a meditative position on the ground next to the log Ronon was perched on. Closing my eyes, I cleared my mind of all thoughts and focused on the clear dark blue skies of nightfall. I began plotting the stars, placing the constellations as I saw them from my home world so long ago. It calmed me sufficiently so when I heard footsteps approaching, signalling the arrival of the Doctor who would save me, I was able to open my eyes and arise to meet him with a calm and collected demeanor, leaving the panic behind in the night sky.