The Office Meets Parks and Rec

Scene 5-- The commencement

Ann: So congrats on your engagement.

Pam: Thanks... Ann? Or Karen?

Ann: Just call me Ann.

Pam: So no hard feelings then?

Ann: No hard feelings. 

(Michael starts walking over)

Michael: Pammy! 

Ron: Tammy! Where is that she-devil. *Sniffs air* I don't smell her. Who's tricking me?

Leslie: Relax Ron. He said Pammy.

Ron: Then I hate this Pammy. Too close to Tammy. 

Ann: He has two ex-wives named Tammy. Every time one of the Tammy's try to seduce Ron, he falls for it and he turns into this love-sick robot and gets hypnotized by their beauties. 

Michael: Sounds like Jan. Anyway Pam, I was just going to tell you that you should really unbutton like at least three buttons on your shirt. I think the Parks and Rec crew would appreciate us a if we showed them a little more. If you know what I mean. *Winks*

Pam: No Michael.

(Jim stares blankly into the camera)

Michael: Thought I'd try...maybe later?

Pam: No! 

Stanley (To himself): I hate my job.

Ron: Try working for the government. 

Stanley: Try working for Michael.

(Cameras turn to Michael leading a game of pin the tail on the donkey.)

Stanley: He's the reason we missed Pretzel Day today.

Ron: Tell me more about this Pretzel Day.

Stanley: Well...every day, I sleep in a bed that's too uncomfortable, I go to work that pays too little, and I send my daughter to a school that's too expensive, but Pretzel Day--I like Pretzel Day.

Ron: And they serve you pretzels? Right here at work?

Stanley: Yep. 

Ron: Are you guys hiring?

Stanley: It's not worth it! Trust me! You know what's sad? I had a heart attack in this building. I almost died here. Is that what you really want to be known for Mr. Sir! 

Ron: I'm no sir to you! 

Stanley: Do you really want to die knowing you sold paper the rest of your life! Go! Before it's too late! 

Angela: There's crackers and dip in the break room if you guys are interested! 

Stanley and Ron: Move out of my way! 

(They both spring to the break room as Kevin walks out with five crackers shoved in his mouth and a plate of lots more)

Donna: I sure hope you saved some for the rest of us. 

(Kevin opens his mouth as a cracker falls out and he stares in awe into Donna's eyes.)

Kevin (to cameras): I'm so gonna bang Donna tonight. 

Kevin: My wife Stacey would approve of us because we are divorced.

Donna: Get lost man. I'm here for Leslie. Not here for a relationship. 

Kevin: I have access to the finer things club.

Donna: The what now?

Kevin: Finer things club. Celebrating books, classical music, and fancy food.

Donna: Hmmm...will you pay me

Kevin: I have 25 cents and a button.

Donna: Nahhhh. I have Treat yo' self day anyway!

Ron: Angela. This dip is amazing. What did you put in it?

Angela: Well thank you for asking! You know not much people think to ask but it's spinach with--

Ron: *Spits out food* There's spinach in here? Who do you think we are? Rabbits? Why would you disgrace your food like that!

Angela: I can't believe you'd have the audacity to make fun of my food! You know my cat--

Ron: Now you have a cat! Fruit cake, spinach, and a cat! That's three strikes. Have you studied my "Ron's Pyramid of Greatness" yet? It could serve you well. *grunts*

(Camera pans to Donna and Kevin who are arguing)

Kevin: You're not even giving me chance!

Donna: Dude! You're trying to ask me out, but you lied and said you didn't eat all the dip! Clearly you did! 

Kevin: There were other people here too! 

(Camera pans to Jerry and Toby)

Toby: You don't know what it's like to be hated by your boss!

Jerry: You don't know what it's like to be hated by everyone!

Toby: You've never been kicked out of a room!

Jerry: At least you have one name! My name isn't even Jerry! It's Gary! Gary Gergich!

Toby: So! 

(Camera pans to Kelly and Tom making out in the break room)

Tom: What are they doing here?

Kelly: Oh the cameras? Just ignore them. 

Ryan: Kelly! Why would you do this to me!

Kelly: You broke up with ME! Remember Ryan! Look! Look at me now, Ryan! You jealous. (She keeps kissing Tom)

Tom: Are you using me to make your ex jealous? 

Kelly: Of course not! Lay back down! 

Ryan: She's not worth your time.

Kelly: Shut up, Ryan! 

Tom: Eh...(continues kissing Kelly)

(Camera pans to Dwight and Andy)

Dwight: Andy. You can't do that. That's not a toy.

(Andy continues  shooting staples out of the stapler.)

April: Let him do what he wants.

Dwight: As a Shrute boy at the age of 5, I knew how to properly act. You have to control him! Your relationship isn't healthy!

April: What do you know about relationships? 

Dwight: I have a girlfriend.

April: Oh really. Who?

Dwight: Angela

April: Angela? She was making out with Andy 5 minutes ago!

Andy D: Babe you know that's not--

April: Not you.

Dwight: What! 

Creed (To cameras): I'm imagining Leslie topless.

Michael: I'd say everyone is getting along just fine.

Leslie: No they're not

Michael: No they're aren't, you're right. We should fight too. Just because.

Leslie: You don't know how to run a business.

Michael: You're wasting tax-payers' money.

Leslie: If you want to have that debate, talk to Ron.

Michael (To cameras): Everyone's not fighting. They're simply bantering like old pals. Friendly altercations if you will. Yeah. *Shyly* Welcome to Scranton. 

*End of scene*