The Season Trials

C H A P T E R E I G H T E E N

C H A P T E R          E I G H T E E N

In the end, no one does anything.

Max, for a lack of better term, disappears. It goes on for a week, give or take. For hours, he goes out, and when he comes back I can visibly see how everyone relaxes. Kyane tries to hide how much he worries for his brother's safety but I see through the mask—besides, with the way he constantly goes outside to look out, it isn't very well hidden. His mum makes no attempt at pretending. Each time, Kyell does get back they either lock in a furious, silent battle or yell at each other.

I worry, though I don't admit it. Its guilt that eats at me. Had I agreed to follow him on his attempted rebellion, would this not be happening?

The fact that he comes back is a miracle in itself. Surely, one of these times, he won't come back—soldiers will find him wandering.

Eventually he'll be killed somehow, by the cold if not soldiers.

"Where is he? It's dark—he knows he has to be back by now."

"He'll be back," I say to no one is particular.

Kyell and his mother lock eyes, neither of them paying me any mind. As the silent conversation carries between them, it's as though I've said nothing; as though I'm not even in the room.

He'll be back, I repeat—because he has to.

"If he's not back in twenty minutes, I need you to go out and look for him."

Sitting at the island counter, on the fallen-apart wooden stool, I stare down at the bench.

I'm just the intruder in their home, and while one of their own family is missing, I'm irrelevant. That shouldn't get to me as much as it does, but I can't stop the feeling from forming a pit in my stomach.

I'm still alone. Being here, I've forgotten it.

But it hasn't changed.

It's still everyone for themselves. Compassion only goes so far. If push comes to shove, they'll throw me to the wolves without even a blink of hesitation. Anything if it means they're the ones who survive.

That hurts, as much as I don't want to admit it.

"Go out and look for him? You're just as insane as he is." Kyell's voice is straw-thin, the incredulousness impossible to mistake. "It's bad enough one of us is out there in the open—you want both of us to risk being caught and killed by soldiers?"

"He's my son."

Kyell spreads his arms out, eyebrows lowered to the point his eyes are nothing but slits. "What am I? A piece of off meat?"

"Ky—"

"I'm your son too!"

Sensing an oncoming argument, I stand slow, ready to slink away. The last thing they need is me as a witness to a family falling apart.

Under the circumstances, I can't bear to be privy to it either.

Is this how Jaylee and dad are? Falling apart at the seams, the worry so crippling. Mum is dead; it happened in front of all our eyes. It's been months since I was taken. They've lost hope.

There's no hope for them I'm still alive.

"Kyell! He's you brother!"

"He'll come back! Sending me out there to die will achieve nothing!"

Cold sweat starts to bead on my forehead. My lungs start burning.

"How selfish of you!"

I need to get out—escape. But I can't. I'm frozen on the spot, unable to run from the impending disaster.

It's all too close to home.

Trapped—I'm trapped unable to get out.

Kyell, too, seems like a trapped animal, pacing a hole through the floor as he scowls. "Selfish? Selfish! I love him!"

"If you love him, go out there and find him! Bring him home!"

At that point, everything crumbles.

I watch, frozen on the spot. Everything feels cold. I can't breathe.

Their mother just... collapses. One minute, she's standing on the spot, her face bright red from yelling. The next, she's on the ground, sobbing into her knees, like something has just broken.

"I can't..." she croaks, her voice shrill and thin. "He's out there... alone... my son..."

Kyell seems so still for a second, like he's suddenly made of stone. Then, he rushes over to her, wrapping her in his arms. As she shakes from head to toe, he whispers to her so quietly I can't catch a word of it.

My eyes start burning and I want to cry along with her.

Sliding to the floor by the door, I watch the snow fall through the window. I feel numb. Trying to hold the pieces of emotion is together.

I don't know how long I sit that way. The only indication of time is when the sky goes dark, the snow opaque against the dimness.

At some point, Kyell stands, carrying his mother in his arms.

He looks to me as he walks past. "I'm taking her to bed."

On the outside, he looks so calm and in control. But the waver in his voice... he's scared, undoubtedly. He's trying to hide it, but the vulnerability remains.

"He'll be back," he whispers quietly. I don't know who it's too.

He doesn't believe it.

The mask remains, however.

I stare down at my knees, shivering in the cold.

He disappears down the hall.

He doesn't come back.

I plan to move...

It doesn't happen.

In the end, I curl up on the floor, huddling for warmth. Sleep is fitful.

And the tears...

They don't stop.

*

The next morning, Max doesn't come back. Nor the next... or any after that.