Red//A Van McCann fanfiction

I: Shower Thoughts

The warm water pouring from the shower head was running down the length of my spine. Long tangled strands of hair were sticking to my face, like tentacles trying to pull me over the edge. Of course I wouldn't let them, would I? I settle into a rocking motion, legs hugged tight to my chest, nails digging into my flesh. I was holding on like it was the last thing that kept me sane. That wasn't completely true of course, I mean I still had Ryan right? Did I? Or was he going to be brutally taken away from me like the others? Who knows, not me. The last couple of days had been the worst I've ever experienced. Olivia, my best friend, gone. All at the hands of Matthew the drug lord and his filthy fiancée. Just the thought of them send my nails digging deeper into the skin on my knees, drawing blood. I fell like I'm going insane.
"Mary" A voice calls following a small knock.
"Yes Ryan?" I say, still rocking.
"Can I come and join you?"
"If you want."
"Okay I'm coming in." The door opens and then closes again, the sound of Van undressing is all that can be heard apart from the rush of water from the shower head. He pulls back the shower curtain, exposing his bare frame and then proceeds to sit opposite me. His wavy hair gets flattened down against the water pressure, flopping into his face. He takes both my hands and holds them there, staring at me with those piercing blue eyes.
"Mary I love you."
"I love you too."
"And you know you can tell me anything right?"
"Right."
He leans in and presses his lips to mine, the taste of cigarettes engulfing me. Slowly and slowly they get more passionate, the troubles of the real world melting away...
Until.
The first flashback hits me like a bullet through the heart. Matthew's face inches from mine in the warehouse that night as he slid inside me.
I pull back and put a hand on Van's chest, a signal for him to stop.
"Are you okay?" He whispers.
"No." I reply, voice barely audible. I get up and push the shower curtain aside before collecting my towel and heading to the bedroom.
'I'm losing it.' I think to myself.
***
"I think it'll be good for you love!" Says Bob, thrusting a moleskin journal at me.
"How the hell will a journal make it better?" I snap.
"Writing always helps!" He smiles sadly.
"Yes because writing down a few words will most certainly help me get over the fact my mum, dad and best friend have all gone!"
"Mary, tone it down a bit eh?" Bondy whispers, placing a hand on my bare shoulder.
"Oh but Bondy! You just don't know how it feels to lose something you've never had but never will!" I scream before storming out of the small transit van parked in the driveway. Okay, perhaps that was harsh of me but can't you see where I'm coming from? I slam the front door to the cottage for good measure and sulk my way up the stairs before collapsing on Van's bed. Well technically it is ours but he doesn't see it that way. I chuck the journal at the wall and curl into a ball and sob. Tomorrow I'd have to say goodbye to my best friend forever and I wasn't emotionally prepared for it.
***
Okay so I thought I'd start off with a short and not so sweet chapter. Please remember to vote and comment so I can continue writing this and I hope you all enjoy it! X