Intoxicated

Addicted to You

I remember the first night I met you. I remember sneaking out through my window at 11:17 p.m. and walking down the empty streets. With the new curfew in place, not a soul was out and about past 10 o'clock. I remember thinking how peaceful it was. The air was clean and crisp and the sky was clear. My head was calm and my demons were quiet. If only I had known everything was about to change.

I remember seeing your figure, a dark silhouette in the shadows. I remember slowing my pace, unsure of whether or not I wanted to approach you. I decided to keep walking and let fate take its course.

I walked past you, throwing a glance your way. You returned it, and offered me a smile. On any other occasion, I would've kept walking. But your smile coupled with your eyes... I was compelled to talk to you, to know you. That's how we began, how the addiction began, how the abuse began.

You took me in, and within a matter of days we knew each other to our cores. I explored the deep cave that was your soul. I waded through pools of fear and regret. I admired gems hidden in your walls, dreams and desires. I felt memories resonating through the depths of your mind. I saw you for what you were. And in turn, I revealed myself. I let you into my world of damage. You lit fire in me, illuminating my demons in beautiful, brilliant light. You unmasked my most innocent hopes and fantasies. You dug deep into me to unearth my darkest, most horrific fears and secrets. You stripped me down to my simplest form.

Bare. Exposed. Vulnerable. Naked. Wide open.

You saw my damage as an opportunity. You knew you had me wrapped around your finger. You knew that when you offered me the pills, I'd take them. I hesitated, of course, questioning what they were. But just one look from you, one charismatic, charming look... and I'd melt right through your fingers. I took the pills, without knowing what they were, and you took me to a park. We sat on the swings in fuzzy silence as my head filled with clouds. I looked at you but all I could see was colors. You opened the door to a bright world, a world so high above the one I'd always lived in. And I loved you for it. I loved you for your dreams, for your fears, for your memories. I loved you for making the pain go away, for making the demons be quiet for once. Nothing could reach me where I was when I was with you.

You kept experimenting with me, bringing me new drugs to try. I always took them obediently, determined to please you. You brought me pills to swallow, liquids to inject, and powders to breathe in. I tried them all, never questioning their identity or effects. And every time, you stayed with me until my high was over. You took my hand and walked me down from the throne you built for me. I knew I was addicted long before I started asking you to bring more. Only I wasn't addicted to the drugs. I was addicted to you.