Goodbye Internet -Phan-

Goodbye Internet

THIS FIC IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE IN MY OPINION. BUT I POST IT ANYWAY. HOPE YOU LIKE IT BETTER THAN I DO. LEAVE A COMMENT. AIGHT BYE.

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"Hey, Phil?" I asked my best friend who was laying beside me, staring up at the ceiling, "Remember PINOF? The very first one?" I heard him sigh in content at the memory.
"Those were fun times..." He says happily, a tiny yawn escaping his lips. He was only allowed to come over at night, or very early in the morning. If I could get out of the ward, he would also tag along. I get to go out once a week. I spend that time in the woods beside the clinic I stay at. I sit there with Phil and we talk about our good years.
"Do you think you should be getting home?" I ask him worridly, he said he got in trouble last time he stayed out too late. He wouldn't say who got onto him, but he didn't come back for a week. That was the worst week of my life... well, second worst week. The first was when I first got here.
"Yeah, probably," he mutters sadly, "But tomorrow you get to come outside right? We can meet by the rock like always!" I smile at his enthusiasm, it was always my favorite thing about him. I agree and stand up, hugging him tightly before he left through the window of my tiny room.
***
"Dan?" I heard someone call out, a hand was gently placed on my arm and I opened my eyes slowly, sleep-crust still sewing my eyes shut.
"Hm?" I groan as I sat up, wiping my eyes harshly and stretching. My body let out a few cracks as a groan explodes through my mouth. The nurse smiles at me, handing me my medicine cup.
"Here you go," I scowl at the cup before take them in a shot. I squeeze the pill behind my back teeth, swallowing water to pretend that I took it. I don't like the medicine.
"Thank you." I say falsely.
"The doctor said you will be starting new medication on Monday," She informs me sadly, "He was told that you were talking to Phil again last night..." I nod shortly.
"He came by to see me. You know he does."
"This new medicine will help you, so please don't shut the doctor out about it okay?"
"Anti-psychotics again?" I growl at her, "Last time I took those, Phil was so angry at me that he didn't see me for a month! You remember what I did, right?" I attempted suicide. Phil was gone. I had no one else.
"Dan," She says sadly, "I wouldn't say this if the doctor didn't tell me I had too... but you have to remember this, okay?" I don't answer her. I know what she is going to say.
"Phil is dead, Dan. He isn't visiting you..."
"HE ISN'T DEAD!" I screamed at her, throwing my pillows and blankets aside as I stand up, "HE ISN'T DEA! YOU ARE LYING TO ME! STOP LYING TO ME!" THE nurse flinches at my tone and I feel happy that she does. She should be scared of me. She should be TERRIFIED of me.
"He is dead, Dan. You should know this... you killed him," She sighs and stands up, leaving the room and locking it behind her, "You can go outside tomorrow, today you are on lock down for violent behavior."
I watched her walk away, her shoulders slumped as she went on her way. He wasn't dead... I didn't kill him... PHIL IS ALIVE. THEY ARE JUST STUPID!
I throw my things again, sobs exploding from my chest, "HE ISN'T DEAD! WHY IS EVERYONE LYING TO ME?" I spit out the medicine into the trash, Phil is waiting for me... he is going to be mad when I don't show up.
"PHIL!" I begin yelling on the top of my lungs, "PHIL!" I threw papers and books, pencils and pens, I tore at my hair, scratched at my skin, I sobbed and I screamed... Phil wasn't dead. Phil isn't dead and I didn't kill him. I would know if I did. Phil is alive. Phil is ALIVE! Eventually the staff had enough of my bellowing and three men came in, two held me while one gave me a shot, sending me into slumber.
"He...he isn't dead..." I mumble as my eyes shut slowly and unwillingly. He was waiting for me.
***
"DANNY BOY!" I heard Phil screeching while he jumped on my bed excitedly, "Wake up!" My eyes opened a lot more easily than when the nurse came in. I stared up at my best friend, a grin spread across my face.
"Hey Phil!" I said happily and then my smile fell, " I'm sorry I didn't come to the rock today... I was on lock down for 'violent behavior'."
Phil nods, looking around the room, "I see why." I looked around and my cheeks flushed in embarrassment. It was trashed. I had created a mess earlier. I scratch my collarbone in embarrassment, my cheeks a glowing pink. "Want to help me pick it up?" Phil thinks for a moment before shrugging and jumping off the bed. I lifted a pillow and threw it onto my bed, another one following, this one coming from Phil's direction.
"Do you remember the best friend handshake?" Phil asks me as he put pencils and pens back into place. I nod before replying.
"I remember it in memory, but not remember how to do it," I tell him, pushing my table back into its rightful place. He nods, telling me he also forgot how to do it.
"I wish everyone would just stop messing with you," I tell Phil angrily. Phil drops the pens he had picked up and he stared at me in horror.
"They talk about me?" He stutters wildly. I furrow my eyebrows before nodding at him.
"Yeah," I reply before my voice goes down, "They said y-..." I stop, a sob stuck in my throat, "They tell me you are dead..." I feel a tear stroll down to my chin and I wipe it away, "T-They say I-I k-k..killed you..." another tear hit my chin, "You're not dead, Phil... right?"
Phil stares at me, bewildered, for a moment before making his way over to me, shaking his head. "Daniel James Howell," he says seriously, "Do I look dead?" He asks me sternly, gesturing to himself, "LOOK AT ME!" He bellows, I look into his eyes slowly, "Do I feel dead?" I feel his hand land softly on my cheek, unlike the time we were doing the 'Youtubers React to: The Slap'... this was soft, this was passion, desperation, this was Phil. I press my cheek further into his palm, sighing contently and shaking my head. He doesn't feel dead.
"You're alive... you're alive..." I mutter to myself, reminding myself that I was not alone. I had my best friend beside me. I had Phil. He wasn't dead. He was not dead.
I had not killed him...
***
"So where do you live now?" I asked Phil the next day as I say at the Rock with him. His head jerks to face me, "Since I was taken here, do you still live at our old apartment?" He smiles and shakes his head.
"No, Dan," he replies, "I moved out a little while after you were sent here. I didn't like living alone. I live here... well not HERE, there is a little cabin about an hours walk away. That is where I live."
"You said you got in trouble the last time you stayed here," I said, "by who?" His body tensed at my question.
"Your nurse," he said quietly, "She heard us talking... she made it where I couldn't visit you for a while... that's why I have to sneak in now. If she finds out I'm back, she will make me leave again."
I freeze, she does know he is back. She said the doctor found out. That is why I have to take the medicine. That is why I was locked down yesterday. They are going to get rid of him again. "Phil... She knows you're back..."
Phil stared at me, his blue eyes going dark, "No...No... You have to be lying... She can't know! She can't know I am back! If she does she wi-" Phil tore at his hair, very much like I did when she said he was dead. "Listen, Dan, she is going to make you take medicine. She is going to try to drug you. She will force you to forget about me. You cannot take the medicine. You have to take my word for it!" He was panicked, terrified.
"I promise! I haven't taken the ones I have now, have I? I told you I'd aways trust you, Phil," I reassure him, my hands reaching for his wrists, removing them from his hair, "Calm down okay?" He nods, controlling his breathing.
"Okay... I'm calm," he says before smiling at me, his smile putting the sun to shame. I grin at him, leaning down and pecking his lips quickly. I feel his body relax against me, his lips instantly reacting against mine. We kissed in perfect sync for a moment before I pulled away.
"Now you are calm," I smirk, letting go of one of his wrists so I could fix his destroyed hair. He chuckles at me, his pale skin bright as an apple. It wasn't new for us to kiss, but it was new for it to be so passionate and spontaneous.
"Want to explore?" Phil asks me with a smile and I nod.
"Lead the way," I tell him and he obliges, walking ahead of me. While out in the forest, we ventured farther than before in more than one way.
***
The next day was the first day I was supposed to take the medicine. Dr. Callahan thought it would be best for me to take it, but I trust Phil and not some crummy doctor. As I stuck the pill behind my teeth, the doctor told me to open my mouth and he saw it, forcing me to swallow it. I was torn, I had no choice as they pressed the medicine in the back of my mouth and dunked water in my mouth. If anyone saw that it would be considered abuse. But I wasn't going to tell anyone... I wasn't going to even tell Phil that they forced me to take it. He doesn't need to know..
**
Phil never came back. For three weeks they continued to force the medicine down my throat. For three weeks I began to forget Phil. I began to forget his laugh, his smile, his smell... he was right. They were forcing me to forget. I did not want to forget him. I needed to stop the medicine. I needed to find a way to fake it... I needed to find a way back to Phil.
And that I did.
I woke up and I had a plan. I would 'eagerly ' take the medicine so they would believe I was okay. They don't make the doctor come anymore, they send the medicine nurse again. I would pretend to take it happily and then I will go back to my room and spit it out. Surprisingly, the plan worked out completely perfectly.
I went back into my room, dressing in a black shirt and an old pair of black jeans that I haven't worn since I got here. After getting dressed I went to the Rock and I waited.
I waited hours upon hours... but no Phil. I sighed and looked at my lap, scratching off some red paint that was stained into the pants. While doing so, I feel a little lump in my pocket, notifying me there was something in there, I dip into my pocket and I feel a paper in it. I gently pull it out and I squint at the faded title.

"YOUTUBE STAR, DAN HOWELL, SAYS ' GOODBYE INTERNET ' AFTER THE MURDER OR HIS BEST FRIEND AND ACCUSED LOVER, PHILLIP MICHAEL LESTER. "

Everything stopped and my vision blurred behind my tears.
"So you know now?" I hear a strangled voice cry from beside me. I turn to it and I am met with ... Phil.... dead Phil. His body was covered in stabs, his eyes were dark blue, very dark blue... his clothes were torn to pieces and... and I did it.
"I... I know now..." I whisper to myself... because there was no one else to whisper to...
Phil is dead...and I killed him.