GAGE

47// j u m p

Grab your tissues, minions.

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I ended up just sitting in my room, talking to Jace about how my life sucks for a few hours. He actually did what he promised when he told me he'd do whatever I did.

I didn't say anything about the money though because he obviously didn't want me to know.

I didn't mention Gage to Jace directly because that would've been weird.

Iris Jean told me not to give up on him -Gage.

I told Iris about that horrific yet amazing boy.

He said that everyone can't be the way I want them to. I can't try to change him.

I'm currently sitting in my room, sketching away on a blank paper. No matter how hard I try, I can't get the vivid image of Gage out of my mind.

Every time the pencil touches the paper I find myself drawing his face.

I've nearly ripped each one to shreds.

I rock myself back and forth on the cold floor and eventually end up with my head in my hands.

I miss my parents. And as much as I hate to say it, I miss him.

I miss my old apartment. I miss my friends. I miss going to shitty parties on the weekends.

Hell, I even miss my science professor.

One thing that I surely don't miss is who I used to be. I was such a bitch and I hate that. I wish I could go back and just be nice. I wish I could just go back and apologize or give them all flowers. And most importantly, myself a slap across the face.

I almost cry out for my dad, but instead I keep silent, letting hot tears spill like a storm on my cheeks.

I feel the urge to flail my arms around and bang my fist of the floor like a five year old. I wish I was a five year old because then, I'd have no problems.

• • •

I don't know why, but I've found myself climbing the stairs to get up to the roof of the abandoned building that I've been to only twice before.

And with him.

I can finally throw a fit like I've wanted to all day.

It's nighttime now so I think I've earned it. I scream at the top of my lungs as I have been waiting to do for a while.

I curse at the sky and everything under it as I clutch my fists at my sides.

I should just jump. I should just fucking jump off this goddamn motherfucking roof. I pull out my phone to do the unspeakable. I let my phone dial the unforgiving delinquent's number.

It goes to voicemail after ringing. I shiver from spring breeze. It's April now. When I met Gage it was October I believe. Seven months. Seven fucking months is how much of my life I've wasted. If I hadn't met him, everything would be normal.

Just then when I feel like stepping over the edge Gage calls me.

"Josie?" he says lowly almost not believing I answered.

I breathe shakily before speaking, "Give me one reason, one good fucking reason why I shouldn't jump off this fucking roof," I say softly.

"What the fuck are you talking about Josie?" he asks sounding concerned.

"I'm gonna do it," I say quietly. "I'm gonna do it," I say a little louder so he can hear me clearly.

"No, no, no, no, no. Fuck, Jo, stay there, okay. Stay there, baby girl."

My heart drops at the familiar nickname, making me want to vomit and I vividly grimace.

"Stop," I bark. "Don't fucking call me that!" I shout even louder.

I raise my hand to my face and wipe my spilling tears with the back of my hand.

"Fucking Josie, stop it! Stop it, okay?" he tries to convince me.

"Why should I? Huh? Why shouldn't I just do it? It wouldn't matter anyways!" I try to keep my voice low into the speaker.

"Josie, you stop talking like that right now! Right fucking now," he shouts, "Don't you dare move a fucking inch."

"Why?" I say again, "No one cares!"

"What the fuck? I care, I fucking care. I care enough for the whole fucking world, you just don't get that, Josie!"

"You're lying," I shake my head even though he can't see me, "Why are you lying to me? You always lie!" I'm talking nonsense at this point.

"That's bullshit and you know it. You know I fucking care about you," he swears. He always excessively swears more than usual when he's really angry.

I stay silent as I remember what Iris Jean said.

You can't give up when life doesn't go your way because the way is better than your way.

If you give up, you'll never give yourself a chance to experience all the great things the way has planned out for you.

Fuck Iris Jean! Again!

"Josie?" Gage says.

I can't give up, not like I would've jumped anyways. I could never. Plus I don't want to go to hell. I don't even know why I acted like I would've.

I sniffle once more and Gage lets out a breath.

"God, Josie I thought you... I thought you left me."

Um, I did. Instead I say, "Oh."

I burst into tears for the millionth time. My cries come out muffled as I try to contain them.

"You know I..." Gage begins, "You know care about you right?" That's much different than love.

I nearly throw my phone off the roof.

"No, I don't know. How am I supposed to?" I raise my voice once more, "You never show me!"

"You never let me!" He shuts me up. I hang up quickly and fall to the ground. Or should I say ceiling.

I listen to my own cries and silent pleas to end the pain I constantly feel.

Minutes that feel like hours pass before I hear rushed footsteps coming towards me.

"No, no, no," I begin to cry even more as I silently whisper to myself.

I cover my face with my hands and curl up. Hands that were once hot and familiar are now cold and distant.

I'm being brutally lifted like a rag doll and held tightly into a chest I never thought I'd be in again.

"Goddammit, Josie. Don't you ever fucking pull that shit ever again! You fucking scared me!" he says in a loud, hoarse voice. "You fucking idiot, what the fuck is wrong with you?" He yells into my hair. He clutches me like his life depends on it. "God, your so skinny," he runs his hands down my protruding spine due to my constant spewing.

I gasp for air when my lungs can't take holding it in anymore. I begin to noisily cry as I ball up Gage's shirt in my fists.

I reluctantly bury my face into his chest. He holds my shaking body as I cry more.

I hate him. I hate him. "I hate you," I gather up the air to speak before running out again.

"I know," he chokes.
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Sorry for doing this lol but ANYWAYS THANKS for 4k you guys are amazing ily all so early update :)