Choices

Chapter 2: Excuses

About an hour later Nathan's wife, Annabelle, calls saying "Nathan where are you you've been gone for 3 hours?" He didn't know what to say he thought to himself "should I lie to my wife, the person I have loved for 2 years or tell her the truth and break her heart, I've kept this secret from her for an over year." Nathan decided

"I was um I was at the store getting food then there was traffic and stuff. You know."

"Oh okay, well just be home before 10; I was worried about you." Annabelle responded. Nathan hung up the phone worried "what should I do?" he thought "I feel horrible lying to Annabelle but I can't hide my feelings for Spencer."

Nathan was so torn not knowing what to do. "Spencer?" He said. "Yea Nathan?" Spencer responded "I don't know what to do I love you but I don't want to have to choose between you and Annabelle, I love my wife also." Nathan was so confused. "Well Nathan I love you too but I think you should just do whatever you feel is right." Spencer always found a way to make Nathan feel better.

          Nathan still torn, drives home. "Annabelle, I'm home!" he yelled as he waked in the door. "Oh finally Nathan. I was worried about you." Annabelle leaned in for a kiss but Nathan pushed her away.

"What's the matter?" She asked. "I'm just tired I want to go to bed." Nathan responded. Annabelle nodded still worried "what's going on with Nathan? I hope everything's okay." She thought.

Meanwhile Nathan still hadn't decided. "Annabelle or Spencer? Annabelle or Spencer? Annabelle or Spencer?" he thought over and over. Nathan wasn't only thinking about Spencer and Annabelle thinking about all of his exes and everyone he feels he has disappointed in his life. "My mom, my dad, everyone I have ever met. I am just a failure, a disappointment." Nathan sighed "I can't believe I am giving in to this pain; this depression. It's coming back I thought it was over." When Nathan was around 16 he was diagnosed with chronic depression and he went to therapy and he thought it was over he never gave in to the pain and just gave up but sometimes he wishes he did. Sometimes he wished he would have just killed himself when he was diagnosed just to get it over with. Just to get away from this world. 

Even though Nathan never did this but he has always wanted to cut himself; the pain, the sensation, the blood running down his wrists, the relief.

Nathan decided. "I'm giving in I just can't take it anymore I am just a failure no one loves me." He whispered to himself. Nathan stood up from his bed and went to the bathroom. He grabbed his razor from the medicine cabinet. Placed it against his wrist but then, he stopped.

"What's the point, this means nothing. My life is pointless anyway why not just end it my wife is bound to find out about Spencer it doesn't matter if it's now or later, it's still going to break her heart."