Love Disorder (Lesbian, Girlxgirl)

Chapter 17. Confession

Chapter 17. Confession

Blaze was an artist, but to me she was also an art. As with all art, she was a series of complexities. She evoked my emotions. It was with her that I wanted to lose myself in. It was with her that I've never been more scared not to be found. She was her and yet she wasn't. She was art, and she was perfectly imperfect.

All of these emotions that she made me feel was kept in secret. Though she was very comfortable with me, and every day seemed to be showing a part of herself that I didn't know of, I kept a safe distance between us. It was not just for one reason, but many reasons put together.

Aside from being sure that she wouldn't like me back because of our status in life, I was also scared that she'd run for the hills if she realized that a girl was slowly falling in love with her. Though she did mention that she was gay when we first met, Blaze also had the habit of baiting me with her jokes. I'd hate to tell her what I felt, only to later on receive an, "I'm sorry, you should have never fell for everything I said." And then there was the thing with Uno. Add that to the growing list of why I couldn't be with either of them.

While my relationship with her was going nowhere, the move for her career was better than ever. We've visited the place where the charity concert was to be held and talked to the coordinators a week before the show. Blaze introduced me to everyone as her new manager. They said I looked young for a twenty year old girl. Blaze jokingly told them that I only eat herbs to keep the youthful glow. All of us knew I was lying through my teeth, though none contested at the time. At one point maybe they did it too.

On the day of the visit, the organizers told Blaze what time she needed to be there, her cues, and what was expected of her. I listened and took notes of everything they said. Blaze's part wasn't complicated. She wasn't performing anything. Even so, her presence would make a lot of people come- the old and young. The success of the show was dependent on her brief appearance, as much as it was with the artists who were going to sing and dance.

"You're nervous," Blaze said as we walked to the entrance meant for the artists. She grabbed my hand and squeezed. "Don't be nervous."

Her hold made me more clammy. I yanked my hand away before the feeling spread to my legs. "I'm not nervous. It's called silent anticipation." I frowned and added, "With a dash of muscle twitching."

We continued down a narrow corridor. It was hours before the show, yet people were scurrying left and right. I'd hate to see how they were doing on the main stage. They were probably setting up the lighting and the speakers that would be used. We were lucky that Blaze was provided a room to dress and stay put until it was her turn to go to the stage. Not many people were given that privilege.

"What about your friend, Carter? Where is he?" Blaze hasn't met him yet.

"He won't come until the start of the show," I said. "There's an emergency with their family that he has to attend to first." Emergency, meaning one of his sisters had some kind of favor they wanted him to do. "He said thank you for giving him the backstage pass by the way."

"Tell him I said welcome." Blaze steered me down another corridor. We were more familiar with the set-up because we were here last week, but with all the random people going in and out, it was hard to keep track of the place. I avoided two guys who were carrying boxes. They smiled at me. Wider when they saw Blaze. If they weren't in such a hurry, they'd probably ask for an autograph or a picture. I had to remind myself that I was lucky enough to be with her every waking moment.

"By the way, who makes the clothes in your friend's shop?" she asked.

"Some are imported from other countries. Some are made by his parents."