Im typing whatever is in my head so if its confusing I'm sorry. Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to live peacefully. Don't we all have something we want? Every Night is always the same, and maybe one day looking up towards the moon I talk to it like its a person. Its funny how something is better than another, don't we all have purpose and value? But some are looked down on and ignored. You know I want to live my life outside of fear, and somewhere bright full of hopes and happiness. I fear so many things, and sometimes it's hard to understand that I made it far. Loneliness is one thing I fear....specially at night. To live every day without thoughts and emotions is worse than the feelings of loneliness. We learned how to love, laugh and cry....but think of the day one day that everything you've learned was nothing but illusions. Every night seems like forever without hopes and happiness. Have you ever felt emotionless, and the feeling of loneliness? If you have than thats how I feel every night and day isolated in my own hell. I have many amazing friends, but I am the one who keeps destroying that bond. Do you think I'm a monster? I've always wanted to help people around me, to save them from the dark pit. I can't even save myself so how the fuck can I save those who needs saving? Im just another failure trying to prove something that I know I will never accomplish. Thats not the worse part....:what about the promise I made to people that "one day ill save you" but in the end, I never do.....every promise end in shattered pieces. Im someone who hurts people emotionally....but I know deep down inside me I never wanted that I just cant feel or comprehend. I NEVER WANT PEOPLE TO SUFFER. I DONT WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO CAUSE SUFFERING. I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO FEEL AGAIN.....TO SEE PEOPLE SMILE...NOT TO PUSH THEM AWAY. How can someone like me make a difference? How can someone like me learn to love and forgive? How can someone like me find the real me? How can someone like me feel again? I just want to sleep and maybe wake up with the answer....so the rest of the world don't have to suffer anymore. Theres so much sadness and sorrow that I cant tell the difference between being alive and being dead.
But know this YOU ARE NOT ALONE.......I HOPE IM NOT ALONE.
