Tongue Slip

the voice inside your head

Sometimes i wonder why i seem to care too much while you don't but then i realise that this is me and that is you. My care for you is my vernarability and your strength. #bff#

Ever dived into deep water? And the water engulfs your whole body and there is water around your ears . All you can hear are bubbles around you and by afar, the voice of someone else worring about you and asking you to resurface.

And no matter how much you want to swim back up you cannot because not only does your brain know but also your body,mind and soul...there is no up and if there is there will be no one there to grab you out of the water.

Everything and everyone up there has failed you. You have failed them.

If you gave no idea about it, in case you go to heaven, ask uncle Jonah. He jumped into the sea.

This is me today...

Everything in me is literary dead.

I can count my heart beat and it is beating so slowly with hicks here and there...

My breathing is strangely regulated...inhale...exhale rythmatically as if if i took in more than necessary my lungs will give way.

My eyes are fixed forward. Blinking on occasion, never closing for more than sixty milliseconds.

My lips a stretched on a grim straight line.

My face is straight and no emotion passes over. Once or twice facial muscles would twitch.

My skin was pale...almost white apart from the soft pink bulges here and there for the burn marks i had endured over the years.

But all that was for the eyes of everyone else.

Deep inside. I was dead.

Books say that the transition of people to being vampires is painful because the venom from your maker eats away your blood cells litle by litle. And when it gets to your head it feel like you might explode. Abd when it gets yo your heart, you are ready to reap it out...but as much as you are alive enough to feel the pain...you are also too dead to ease it.

No, i am not turning into a vampire...this is not a vampire story...and i am definitely not going to wake up with each and every single sense on me hieghtened to supernatural levels.

This is real life and real life means that when you loss your driving force, your motivation or the thing you love most...then its over for you and you have nothong to live for...its the end of the road for you.

I sound suicidal.

Which am not because dead people cannot die.

Talking about dead, i should probably explain what has happened to the smiley and optimistically changing lass you saw a while ago....she is..refer to the third word of the paragraph.

She along with everything else that was before her and after her.

Its sad really and my facial muscles twitch in what would have been a sarcastic laugh.

Everything happened so fast, eating away parts so slowly like the silent noise inside my head.

Its hard to comprehend how the events unfolded, almost imposible because all that is left is a shell of what has been left of what was there.

Better still the walls have been drawn higher than ever before.

All that is left is the emptiness inside highly guarded pieces of the broken valueless vase.

Again my muscles twitch at the irony.

All that is left are the voices...voices in the silent noise.