Skinny Girls Bleed Flowers

Ella looked back at her reflection in the mirror in the bathroom.
Her hands were still shaking as she held on to the sink. Taking in deep breaths, Ella slowly began to let go.
She took notice to the mess she had made.

You see it was lunch time, which means that Ella had to escape. The stares and comments about her appearance. And why she walks so lonely. The bathroom was empty at this time so it seemed like a good thought.
Ella paced around the bathroom just wishing for time to go by. For the bell to ring, telling her it's okay to go out. That no one would question what she was doing in the bathroom.

Ella paced and paced until she got a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She saw how drained and teared down she looked. Just like that a thought appeared in her weaken mind.

'maybe I should just go out and get help'

Backing away from the mirror she shook her head. Ella reminded herself that she was fine and that if anyone were say to anything else that they were wrong. She told herself that she didn't need help,that this needed to be done.

Ella closed her eyes and saw her version of happiness. She was at the beach and she took a picture of her standing with her signature pose. With the background of the bluest ocean and the brightest sun. She would take that picture and post it on her instagram. She would get so many likes and comments about how beautiful she is, how she's 'goals'. How everyone wants to look like her. Of course she knew that there would be hateful comments but what do they know. For they are jealous of her thigh gap and how thin her body is. Right? How she is the resemblance of a model. Right?

This was Ella's dream. All she wanted in life. And she was willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

So what if she feels weak and can barely get up in the morning. So what if she has a raging headache and spends most of her time alone. She doesn't need to deal with people and their negative comments. She doesn't need that in her life. Ella was fine being on her own, left with the silence and the occasional growl from her stomach.
It would all be worth it. It is worth it.

Ella remembered a time when that wasn't her dream. When she could be out with her friends and family and not worry about how much calories she consumed in a day. She remembered when it was her friend Lacy's birthday and she ate so much cake that she thought she was going to puke. Ella thought back to a time when none of that mattered but now it does. She can't be that chubby little girl anymore. She can only be thin and pretty.

Just as the thoughts rushed through her head, she felt sick to her stomach. Rushing to the nearest toilet, Ella did the one thing she wasn't proud of but was a pro at. When Ella was done she wiped away her tears and walked to the sink.

There she is starring at her reflection. She knew that she made a mess. That she is a mess but in time it will all show that it was worth it. That through all this the picture at the beach will be worth it.

And just like that the bell rung. Letting out a sigh of relief she walked to the door. Ella had to prepare for the battle that lays ahead. Answers to questions along the lines of to if she's okay and where she had gone during lunch. The constant starring, though no one had the guts to ask if she was really alright and why she did what she did.

It didn't take a scientist to see what's going on. How fragile Ella was. How she resented any type of food. In the back of Ella's brain she what they knew. But to her it didn't seem like a real issue if they weren't doing anything to stop her. Now it really seemed like something that needed to be done. It seemed like silent agreements being made. Ella needed to shake the chubby little girl off her. It's what's best.

So Ella began to walk down the hallway as her peers began to resurface from the lunch room. Ella hoped to blend in, to slip into the crowd of people. Not to be noticed. Of course people would stare but they would shake it off as merely nothing. Not everyone has their best days. Ella looked like she's been though hell. But they wouldn't care. Right? They don't understand it so why should they. Right?

Like symbolic seeds have been planted inside of Ella. It sprouted at her young age and inside grew a wonderful garden. But when she bleeds each bit of that wonder comes slowly dripping out of her. Leaving her with nothing but the dead and unwanted weeds.

Deep breaths.
Head low.
Walking fast.
Blurry vision.
Weak body.
Fake smiles.
It's all worth it.
Right?
The picture for the beach.
Being adored.
It all must be done.
Right?
Right.