eight

23 5 1

by heartbreakhoetel

by heartbreakhoetel

She was getting bad again. In that horrifying cycle when just as things seem to be great, her mind is the silent killer. Everything is just an inescapable routine. Trudge out of bed, take some pills, eat maybe, see Leo in front of the school, hug him, maybe peck his cheek. Trudge through school, see Leo, go home, forget homework. Sleep. A lot.

Charlie didn't like shutting people out either, but she couldn't help it. She let her parents' questions hang stale in the air and Leo's texts came flooding in, but she barely brought herself to check them. A teacher even noticed her change in behavior and pulled her aside to say "It'll get better, whatever you're going through. Stay strong."

They didn't know anything about staying strong when the only problem was your own head. It was a cruel joke.

Everything was a downfall spiral of self destruction. She was too tired to fake anything, and now everyone tended to her like a wounded animal. They were too careful around her, as if they were tip-toeing around shattered glass.

Outside, the sky was gloomy and stormy. Charlie cracked a half smile that spiked pain on her chapped lips. It faded as soon as it had come. She heard the front door open and her parents shuffling about. "Leo! Those are so pretty! She'll love them, I'm sure," her mom said, "I'm so grateful for you to come see her, we haven't seen her like this in a while."

"It's really no problem," Leo responded. Charlie could almost see his charismatic smile as he spoke. He was way too good for her. "She's in her room?"

This time, it was her father's burly voice that spoke up. "Yeah, just go on and head right in."

Charlie had to brace herself to see him. Leo was too good with his perfectly falling ebony hair and his charming smile. He was blessed with godlike looks and charisma and she took in his appearance with a strike of pain. He no doubt took in hers with a wave of pity and grief.

Leo stood at her empty doorframe with a small bouquet of red roses. So overcome with worry and fear, her father had taken the door off of its hinge. She smiled and he of course knew it was empty, her eyes were the giveaway. "Hey, Charlie."

"What's up, good lookin'?" He calmly strode next to her bed and took a seat in the space where her legs were not tangled. It was hard to tell where her limbs were curled up in the bed. It's not that she couldn't get out of bed, but it was a day where she just didn't feel like it. Her light hair was tangled wildly in a rubber band and her already small frame had somehow become bonier in the thin tank top.

"I'm okay," he handed her the roses and his eyebrows creased in the middle with a level of seriousness, "How are you? And try not to bullshit me, I'm not your parents."

She didn't even feel like lying to him. He could tell anyway. "It's the same everyday. I'm so numb, it doesn't even feel like my heart is pumping blood." In the way his eyebrows creased, she could tell how desperately worried he was for her. She didn't want anyone to worry, but this behavior wasn't exactly normal.

"You aren't taking your meds, are you?" He didn't so much as inquire, but wanted to confirm what he already figured. She shook her head softly and slowly. Leo was disappointed in Charlie, she could read him just as well as he could read her.

"I'm sorry, but I only stopped because they weren't helping anymore. I feel no different than I did when I was taking them." His hand brushed her soft cheek. Her legs curled up even closer to her body.

"Charlie, babe, I wish you would've told me when this started. I could've helped you."

"No, this isn't some scrape you can kiss away the pain to. I'm not okay and you can't stop it." She looked to the window and avoided his eyes. "Thank you for the flowers, but I think it's time you go."

Being this depressed was not beautiful, and even happy-go-lucky Leo couldn't deny it. As he got up and took a final look at her, he knew as long as she kept falling down this dark and deep hole, she'd take him with her.