Short Stories

Tired Times

How do you form coherent sentences from an exhausted mind at 11:30 at night, on a school night?
I guess it depends on the person or some shit like that,right?
I guess everything depends on the person, like the ability to say no to certain things.
For example: letting your big sister use your headphones, because she knows you can't say no to her..no matter how much you need them.
Or changing your mind instantly into a decision, knowing you can't take it back now because you've agreed to it a week in advance.
But I guess I'm just that kind of asshole to myself. 
Then again for the best..maybe?
Be more of an asshole to myself then I already am to others, at least I was told that was only me pushing people away.
I was also told I shouldn't do that, but that made it even more since..well, I was already doing that long before.
I don't really want to let people in, at least certain people.
People I somehow subconsciously consider a threat to myself.
Or in some sadistic way I want some kind of lashing out reaction from them.
To just say that they hate me.
So its easier for me to just stop, I honestly don't know.
So I can put more things up.
Be in a quiet box with no..with me.
Which is terrifying because I don't want to be alone, but I feel that I should be alone.
Though...
I'm just so tired.
Sick with exhaustion.
Sick of having to wake up on an internal clock and then being that the entire day.