Walk the Line

10 - The Time She Wakes Up in Bed With Him

10 – The Time She Wakes Up in Bed With Him

I woke up shrouded in a manly scent, which would have been totally sexy if it hadn't been for the fact that a small giant was sleeping on top of me and I didn't know who it was. I didn't...did I? I let out a gasp as my heart pounded in my chest.

"What's wrong?" Ford's deep voice vibrated throughout the small giant's chest.

"Oh my god!" I nearly screamed, and he sat up with a start.

"We didn't...we didn't...did we?" I stammered.

"Didn't what?" Ford asked groggily.

"You know," I said.

"No, I don't know, Eleanor, please elaborate," Ford said sarcastically. I gave him a dirty look, while realizing I was wearing only my bra and panties.

"Say it with me, sex. Fuck, make love, make the beast with two backs," he said. I glared at him.

"It's not a dirty word, Eleanor. You're eighteen, you can handle it," Ford sighed. Tears welled up in my eyes. Had I really had sex with Ford? I didn't even remember it.

"Oh, would sex with me be so bad that you need to cry over it?" Ford said.

"Fuck you," I spat, trying to carefully get out of bed without exposing myself too much.

"You already did, princess," he said gruffly. I looked for my clothes frantically, trying to hide the fact that I was practically bawling. I clenched my jaw so hard, desperately trying to suppress a panic attack. Thank God I'd taken my medicine.

"Why's it such a big deal?" he asked, aggravated.

"Because, smart ass, I'm a virgin," I spat back, "Was a virgin. And there's this guy and he really seems to like me, and I don't know, we're kind of a...thing and I don't know if this would be cheating, but I don't want to be a cheater." His name was Ben and he was back at school, but he seemed to like me, and I was apathetic enough to let him.

He grew silent. At least he got the picture.

"We didn't have sex, Eleanor, relax," he said.

"Do you promise?" I asked, my lip quivering.

"I promise. I'm not going to have sex with you when you're too drunk to remember it. Besides, I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but you'd know if we had sex." My brows knit in confusion.

"You'd...uh, be sore, you know, down there," Ford said.

"Oh," I said, wiping my eyes, trying to find my clothes.

"You threw up on your dress, that's why you're naked. What happened to the Monday panties?" he asked, gesturing to the hot pink lace that I was wearing as underwear.

"I grew up, what aren't these sexy?"

"They're sexy. I just don't see why it matters, if you're a virgin. Unless you're trying to look sexy for this guy...," Ford trailed off.

"I'm not," I said quickly.

"But if you were, you look sexy, but any guy worthy of seeing you in your panties shouldn't care whether they're lace or the wrong day of the week. He should just be glad he's lucky to get to see them," Ford said.

"Ugh, don't dad-speech me about my virginity, please," I said.

"I'm not dad-speeching you about your virginity. If you want to lose your virginity, I think you should. It'd do you some good, to do what you want. You're too worried about what other people think. Sex will help you not think at all," Ford shrugged, "So about this guy?"

"His name's Ben. He's a business major. He likes me, I guess," I shrugged.

"You guess?" Ford asked.

"He likes me a lot," I mumbled.

"Do you like him back?" Ford asked, handing me his button down shirt to put on.

"I don't not like him back," I shrugged. Ford made a face I couldn't read, and laid back in the bed.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm not your dad or your brother. I'm not going to give you a speech about sex and boys. That's not my job," he said.

"What if I want you to, though?" I asked. I really kind of needed advice. Things were getting sort of serious with Ben, and I really needed to do something or give up. I couldn't keep being so apathetic.

"Do you want to have sex with him?" Ford sighed.

"I don't know," I sighed.

"Well, I think you should wait until you know. It shouldn't be with a guy that you're so-so about. I mean, I understand that virginity is just sort of a weird social construct, but you can still only have sex for the first time once. It should be with someone you at least like, and trust. But don't expect it to be perfect. It's not going to be perfect. It's going to be awkward and it might hurt a little and be smart about it and use a condom," he said, "How's that for your speech?"

I nodded and hopped back in bed with him. He planted a kiss on the top of my head, brushing my messy hair out of my face.

"Will you tell me about your first time?" I asked.

"It was Cady," he said after a few minutes of silence.

"Oh, you don't--," I started. I still had a velvet box and a beautiful ring in my possession that he hadn't asked for back yet. I didn't want to open up any wounds that weren't healed all the way. It'd been a year almost, but still.

"It was great for me. You know, all thirty seconds of it and all," he laughed, "But she said it hurt like a bitch. Cried a little. I felt like shit for weeks."

"Do you regret it now, you know, knowing how things ended?" I asked.

"No," he said, "I don't think anyone should regret their first time. If you were sure enough to do it in the first place, then you should know that even if it's not what you want now, it was what you wanted then. And that's part of what made you now."

"You're really wise for not wanting to be my all knowing source of advice," I said.

"Oh shut up," he threw a pillow at me. Things would be alright.