Walk the Line

11 - The Time She Takes His Advice

This chapter contains mature content.  Thank you for being patient. This was a chapter that I wanted to make sure I got right. I don't know if it's right, but I am, at least for the moment, content with it. Please comment and let me know what you think. Even if you hate it.

S/O to ImagineSkyline for the witty comment "hopefully she can find a loyal Ford instead of a flashy Lambo."

11 – The Time She Takes His Advice

Ben the business major was relentless. He was good with numbers, people, and his hands. Which was why I decided I was going to do it. I was going to do it. With Ben the business major. Because maybe Ford was right. Maybe an orgasm would do me right. Maybe it was time. Maybe I was ready.

It wasn't like I ever planned on saving myself for marriage or anything. And he was so nice to me. He was always so nice. He help open doors for me and bought me lunch. If I mentioned I was craving Sour Patch Kids, the next time I'd see him he'd have a full bag of them to share with me. Plus he was kinda hot. I mean, hot in that preppy-business school sort of way. He always wore nice sweaters and funny socks with his dress shoes. My favorite pair that he wore had little dogs on them.

He hadn't even really put the pressure on me to do it. He never pushed any further than third base, and never asked me to reciprocate. He was respectful as hell and it killed me. I was slowly falling in love with Ben, or at least I thought so.

He'd taken me out for dinner. We went uptown for dinner every Saturday night. I guess you could call it our "date night." He always paid for my meal, which drove me a little insane, but he was pretty loaded, I guess. His dad was a CEO for some insurance company, but it was no big deal. Ben was pretty down to earth.

"What's it like, growing up with so many siblings?" he asked me as I responded to a text in my "Big Biggs Bunch" group chat. It had Kyle, Carolina, Allison, and Garrett in it and it was how we kept in contact despite the distance.

"It's crazy. A good kind of crazy. There's always more than just my family at my house. If Kyle didn't have Ford over, it's was miracle, and now he has Blythe and he's moved out, but they still visit home. Carolina always had friends over but she's gone a lot now. She does a lot of mission work in Haiti. Allison was always kind of quiet, but Garrett's best friend is like my little brother too. It's like having a family of fifty," I laughed.

"I can't imagine," Ben said. He was an only child. He really couldn't imagine what it was like.

"It's nice. Makes it kind of hard being alone sometimes, which is weird, because I used to dream about being alone and having peace and quiet, and now that I have alone time, I miss the noise," I laughed. We stopped at an old fashioned ice cream parlor and got ice cream cones to eat on our way back to the dorms.

"Nick went home for the weekend, right?" I asked, finding a confident voice inside me I didn't know existed. I was really going to do it. I had my mind set. I trusted Ben. I wanted him to be my first.

"Yeah, is Christine in your room?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, she sent me the ghost emoji, so I'm pretty sure she's having Jake over," I said. Christine and I had a code that the ghost emoji meant to stay out of the room until the alien emoji was sent, no questions asked. She used it more than I did, but now that I was taking things to the next level with Ben, things might change.

"You can stay in my room tonight if you need to," Ben suggested.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Of course. We can watch all of Freaks and Geeks on Netflix and pull an all-nighter. I'll let you braid my hair," he laughed, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. I smiled. He was a really great guy. I was pretty lucky to have him. I still didn't know why he was interested in me, though. But I was glad he was.

The walk back to his dorm wasn't too long. He gave me his jacket to keep warm. His room was decently clean, and he scrambled to pick up the few articles of clothing off the floor.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"It's fine," I laughed.

We turned on the TV and laid together on his bed, watching Freaks and Geeks, only it wasn't long before our attention wasn't focused on the TV anymore, but each other. He was such a good kisser.

His lips were on my neck, and I peeled off his shirt. It wasn't long before all our clothes were discarded on the floor.

"Ben?" I pulled away from his lips.

"Hm?" he asked, his voice a love-drugged coated purr.

"I want to...if you want to...," I trailed off.

"Really? Are you sure?" his face was shock and excitement, "I mean, of course I want to...but I don't want you to feel like you have to, or anything. I mean, I know you said you were a virgin and if you wanted to wait, I can wait. I just...I want you to be sure," he rambled.

"I'm sure, Ben," I laughed. He kissed me hard on the lips and we picked up where we left off. I could tell he was nervous, even though he didn't let on. It was in the subtle movements that showed he wasn't his usual carefree self.

With shaky hands, and careful movements he pulled on a condom and slowly lined himself up.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," I nodded. He kissed me hard on the lips. He flipped us over so I was on top, and I was more than a little surprised to say the least. I never really pictured being on top when I lost my virginity, but hey, I guess it's as good as any. He lined himself up and guided my hips down onto his length. I tried to hide the pain the best that I could. But it hurt. Like I knew it was supposed to hurt, but usually I can take pain like a champ. But this fucking hurt. Or maybe it didn't hurt that bad, but when you're not used to really feeling anything down there, it sure felt odd to be so painfully aware of your vagina.

And painfully aware of it, I was. He kept thrusting carefully, and slowly the pain started to feel less noticeable, but I couldn't help but feel how full my vagina felt. It was kind of amazing, but I was nowhere near an orgasm, while Ben was already panting out profanities.

He came seconds later, and I climbed off of him, laying down beside him with my head on his chest. He hugged me tight with a sort of emotion I'd never felt before.

"...I love you," he said after a few eternities of silence.

"I love you too." Or at least I think I do. The words felt foreign in my mouth. Like they didn't belong and I wasn't old enough to be in love. Like I was thirteen and professing my love for my boyfriend I'd started dating all of five minutes ago. I mean, I wasn't. But that's what it felt like.

I got up and pulled on my clothes and felt the soreness between my legs and I left his room to use the restroom. I went to the bathroom and saw some slight blood spotting in my panties and knew it was from breaking my hymen. I looked in the mirror as I washed my hands and tried to see if I looked any different. I didn't feel any different. A few girls were washing their faces to go to bed and were taking showers, but I paid them no attention. I was too lost in myself.

I thought losing my virginity would be this pinnacle moment in my life. I thought that because of the way Ford talked about sex and the way my friends talked about sex it would be different. It'd be a bubblegum pink, blood rushing, blushing rush and frenzy of love. A moment of maturity and growth. But it was really kind of...for lack of a better word...anticlimactic.