Blackberry Jam (A Drarry FanFiction)

Chapter Twenty One

   For a second or two, the entire world stopped, and he was lost in the perfect connection they shared. But then reality came crashing back down, and both boys pulled apart in shock.

"I'm sorry!" Harry cried, scrabbling away, sickened by the horror and confusion he was witnessing on Draco's face as they both hastily sat back up, several feet away from each other. He covered his mouth with his hands, as if he could undo what had just been done. "I'm so sorry Draco! That was unnatural, I don't know what came over me!"

Draco was staring at him breathing shallowly, and Harry could feel fresh tears pricking at his eyes, but for different reasons than before. Draco was disgusted with him. "Boys don't kiss other boys," he said quietly, his gaze never leaving Harry's. "Boys kiss girls, mothers kiss fathers."

"I know," Harry said miserably, covering his glasses with his hands and squeezing his eyes shut in shame. "I honestly don't know what came over me, please," he begged. "Please Draco, don't be angry, please forgive me."

He couldn't seem to stop the tears from escaping and running down his cheeks, humiliation flaring across his body like he'd been lit on fire. Because the truth was, he had very much wanted to kiss Draco, it had seemed entirely natural in that split-second. What was wrong with him, how could he have let his mind become so confused?

He choked back a sob, his whole body shaking, and his eyes still firmly shut. Half of him wanted Draco to just go, to leave him to his disgrace, but the other half couldn't bear to think what would happen next between them if he did. He needed to know Draco understood, that he accepted his apology.

Which is why, when he felt the hand gently touch his knee, he snatched his hands down and looked at his best friend immediately.

He had crawled over to sit in front of him, worry and concern clear on his face. "Harry," he said, his grey eyes wide. "It's okay. The war sometimes makes people do funny things, I read about it. Sometimes it makes people cry or be scared when they shouldn't really. It was probably just something like that."

Harry hiccupped, and tried to process what Draco was saying. He had been terribly troubled in that moment about how their lives might change when they moved back to London. His thoughts had probably got confused, and Draco was saying that was okay if it had.

"You forgive me?" he asked. "Truly?"

Draco smiled. "You certainly gave me a bit of a fright," he said with a nervous laugh. "But we can forget all about it, alright? We can never mention it again, pretend it never happened."

Harry knew that was exactly what he should want Draco to say, but for some inexplicable reason he didn't want Draco to just forget it. He always liked how they touched, it was so casual, so natural, the way they hugged and leaned back to back, and how they sometimes held hands when there was thunderstorms at night. The kiss had just seemed like another kind of touching, and he had felt peaceful doing it, even if only for a second.

But the truth was it wasn't natural, Harry knew that. Boys kissed girls, not other boys. So he took a deep, shuddery breath, and managed to force a smile of relief and open his heart up to accept that Draco's forgiveness and understanding was exactly what he should be hoping for.

"You're the best friend anyone could ask for," he said, rubbing his wet cheeks on his sleeves. "We shan't mention it again, everything will be fine."

Draco sighed happily, and threw his arms a little awkwardly around Harry. "Everything will be fine," he repeated firmly.

Inside though, Harry wasn't so sure. He couldn't shake the feeling that things between them had changed, and it wasn't just at the prospect of moving back home to their own families again. He felt something dark lurking in the pit of his stomach which prophesised that he, in a reckless act of only a second, had ruined their friendship forever.