Weeping

I love looking up to the clouds, looking at the moon, looking over the horizon, watching the sun set and rize, watching the rain fall. It reminded me of the childhood I once had.

I remember meeting up with my friends at the park and running around what seemed to be a very large playground. It's was fun to be out of breath because I thought I was fast. It was fun to think I was better and faster than someone. It meant I was someone. Whether it was the fastest kid on the playground, or the kid who you could never beat.

I remember running so fast that I would always fall. I wouldn't cry because it never hurt that much, well until they cleaned it up with the stuff that stings. I'd go to school all patched up cause I never learned and would always fall. Everyone would love to see what it looks like after it heals. Every scar I had would always have a story. Some were short like "Oh I fell down during cops and robbers" and some were long.

I remember being pick up from school.My parents would always ask how my day was. They would stay home because I couldn't cook nor was I responsible.

I remember loving school. We could do whatever we want. We drew, we ran, we sang, we partied. I saw my friends, I saw people I liked. We all looked alike. Everyone looking the same.

If I ever saw my friends and classmates in public I would shout across the area to say hi. I was never embarrassed.

I remember taking off sweaters and jackets if I was too hot. I remember putting on more clothes that didn't match if I was cold.

I remember I had all the time in the world to do whatever I want.

I remember when I was a kid, I said "I can't wait to grow up!!"

But then..stuff happened

I knew I have to grow up. I saw changes. I knew everyone that look different. Everyone had a very different mindset.

I go to school every day. Having to drag my feet to go to school, I wanted to stay home. In my shell called a bed.

I know I have to make friends that won't backstab me.

The park transformed into the mall. They place where running was free became "Hey you! You wanna lose weight? Pay 75 dollars a month to run!"

I know I don't have anymore time. I have to finish homework. I have to practice. I have to lose weight. I have to be healthy.

I don't want to have the stupid label they put on me. All of it is dumb...yet it affects me so much.

I knew because I didn't have time, I lost my life. Time was gnawing at my life.

I change my hair for no one liked it. I changed my clothing because no one else wore what I wore. I bought things that I don't even like but apparently everyone else did.

I put on more clothes even if I was suffering in the summering heat. It kept me warm in the coldest class. I covered the scars that I don't remember why I got it.

I would always wake up in the middle of the night to regain my life but waste it on crying because I wasn't never good enough. I know crying was my neosporin. My pillow was my bandage.

I never talked to my parents because I was so busy. I was swamped with worksheets and assessments while my parents were working for the scholarship.

I never realized I was weeping for the past. I weep for the past to stand still and never change.