Adventures of Alexander the Great(er)

i

i. butterflies

After her death he saw her everywhere and in everything. In the sun that shone brightly through the clouds, the stars that dazzled in stark contrast to the dark night, even the storms that raged on, seeming stronger each passing minute. For the first year he couldn't stop seeing her, and for the first year he was terrified of fire. Thinking that it would come to take him, too, because it had failed the first time.
He had nightmares about the fire. His sister's screams was still a fresh memory in his mind no matter how many days passed. His mom's triumphant look after she killed one of her own children etched into his memory. Going to sleep that night feeling safe for the first time in a while, the choking smoke, the burning fire in the dead of night, the memories haunted him for years to come. Even after he became praetor and found a home in Camp Jupiter.
When he stumbled upon the Roman camp, he was afraid of everything and everyone, no one knew why. He was afraid to get too close to the ones who smiled bright, his mom always had a phase of nice right before an episode. Afraid to accept gifts, thinking they came with strings attached. He was downright terrified of any type of fire and would never let any pyrokinetic Vulcan kids get within 10 feet of him without 3 weapons in his hands. He was the most confused and fearful when random strangers smiled at him or tried to be friendly. No one was ever nice to him just because they wanted to. No one but Aimee.
-
The first time Alex spotted a butterfly after her death he stopped dead in his tracks and held so still you could've mistaken him for a statue. His quiet stroll down the winding path of New Rome had come to a halt as the butterfly flew around his head. He watched with only his eyes as it landed on his hand before fluttering away. Butterflies reminded him of Aimee, they were her favorite. She used to stay out for hours on end just watching butterflies fly around their yard. At the thought of his sister his breaths sped up and got shallower, before he knew it he was having a panic attack next to the fountain in New Rome.
As he sobbed and took shaky breaths, trying to calm himself, Alex didn't notice the bodies that sat next to him and the voices trying to calm him. It took 10 minutes of Kaden's charm speak and a cup of hot chocolate from Mallory to get Alex in a room and calmed down. That night durning war games he played fiercer than ever. He didn't talk about it, and would feign confusion anytime someone asked about it.
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The second was when he went to the gardens in New Rome for the first time. Alex looked around the gardens contently and watched the birds fly around lazily. The high ceiling and wall made of glass made it feel like he wasn't trapped in a room and for the first time that week he could breathe easily. The colorful flowers were arranged based on sunlight needs, maintenance needs, and color. There was one section, Alex's favorite, filled to brim with white flowers. He started to doodle in his notebook a little, drawing favorite flowers that he saw.
Alex was completely content, and he should've been expecting something to throw off his day, because he could only be happy for so long. The first butterfly that came by went unnoticed by Alex, he was drawing a flower and didn't look up in time to see it. Then second butterfly that passed by flew close enough to his face that he had to look up.
Again he froze when he saw the butterfly and again the butterfly landed on his hand. It looked identical to the one he saw on the winding New Rome path, blue coloring with a black outline on the edge of the wings. He saw that outside of the wings when the butterfly flapped, brown with colored circles, and he knew which butterfly it was.
"Blue Morpho," he whispered. They were Aimee's favorite, she would talk about them for hours a day and pour over books about them.
After the butterfly flew away Alex quickly collected everything he had brought and all but ran out of the gardens. He didn't have another panic attack, but he was very shaken up for the rest of the day. Again he didn't talk about it and denied that it happened to anyone that saw.
-
The last time he saw a butterfly was during war games. They had just finished setting up defenses and Alex was running down to help defend the threshold.
Right when the battle was at its peak the butterfly passed in front of Alex'a face. He was caught off guard and Imogen took that as a chance to knock him to the ground. As Alex fell back he watched the butterfly land on his knee.
It's wings flapped and Alex realized it was the same Blue Morpho from the time in New Rome and the gardens. As he remember his sister once again he remembered something she said to him while they were laying out in the sun the summer before.
"What if we're not fine?" Alex turned to look at Aimee, shielding his eyes from the sun. "What if one of her episodes gets us before we get out?" He had been thinking about it for a while now, each episode was getting worse. Each day they lived in fear of dying before even seeing the world without fear.
"Then we go to the underworld together." She said with confidence, looking back at Alex.
"And if we don't? How will I know that you're safe there?" Alex asked, he would always be worried about Aimee, alive or dead.
"I'll send you a sign, I'll send you a butterfly. You can send me a fox."
"How will I know it's your butterfly? There are hundreds of butterflies that pass just through our yard in a year."
"I'll send you a Blue Morpho, those are my favorite ones. I'll come check on you 3 times so I can make sure you are safe. I know how much you like triple checking things, double checking is too little and checking four times is overkill."
"Okay, I'll send you a fox three times, too. To make sure you're safe."
Alex ran. He ran as fast as he could. Imogen tried running after Alex for a minute before seeing the tears staining his face. When she did she stopped in her tracks. No one ever saw Alex show emotion, let alone cry. She watched him run off before turning around and standing at the edge of the fight so she could regroup.
Alex ran first to the gardens and then to the fountain where he saw the butterfly. He expected to see something again, but he didn't. He ran to the borders of camp and watched two small Blue Morphos flutter away.
After that night he opened up to Kaya, Kaden, Imogen, Adhara, and Jett about the butterflies. He didn't deny the butterfly experiences after that day. He made an offering to Pluto for keeping his sister safe. He even drew a fox with a butterfly on its nose to remind himself that he and his sister were safe.