Fall

The Day Before

Fay nervously tapped her pencil on the edge of her desk in 3rd period study hall. A blank sheet of notebook paper, one full of possibilities, lay in front of her as she contemplated what to write. Her eyes darted around the room once or twice, and then she started the letter.

Mom and Dad,
You have done so much for me, I love you so much. This isn't your fault, this is simply just what I feel I need to do.

She exhaled sharply through her nostrils and crumpled the paper relentlessly. Fay knew it was cheesy, but she couldn't find anything else to say. She rose up out of her seat and tossed the crumpled paper in the recycling bin. The paper rested neatly amongst the other papers in the bin, it looked so unimportant there, yet no one knew that it was a clue for what was to come. Fay decided to sketch a little instead of trying for the fourth time at a note to leave behind. After all, what would a note do for anyone? Soon enough, the bell rang and she bolted right out of the giant study hall. The rest of the day was boring, and just as normal as any other day. Her "favorite" period, theatre class 5th period, was always a joy. (Sarcasm!) Fay loved theatre... that was, until she really got to know the people in it. Regardless, acting and singing was her passion, so she stuck with theatre even though it was torture. She sat alone, as usual, and no one talked to her, as usual. It's been two years since she moved to Oceanside High School, and it's still like she does not exist. People in the drama class hustle all around her to their seats, talking about how this girl has no talent and this guy is totally hot and this person is so dumb and blah blah blah. Fay couldn't care less about what they were saying. But, as most high school things are, that was a lie. All she ever wanted was to feel included, but from her first day at school she got the cold shoulder and the nasty talking behind her back. All because she was different. Naive, innocent, never touched a guy and never drank an alcoholic beverage, religious, peppy, and very academically driven. She was not like most teenagers, and it killed her to feel so alone and left out. The drama peers gave off these unexplainable vibes around Fay, these passive aggressive cold vibes. Fay got used to it, she didn't care anymore. But again, that was a lie. The only positive thing about this day was that it was Friday. Which meant tomorrow, all of Fay's problems would vanish. And so would she.

The day went on and she was oh so ever the same. Sad green eyes, locked on the ground so close below her. She wished it was further away. She wished she was physically falling for once, not just mentally. Nobody seemed to notice the change in her over the past two years. She came here with hope and a smile on her face, but now she was an empty hollow shell of a human being. Not a person at this school cared, Fay knew they talked behind her back and left her out on purpose. She had no friends to lean on, and her family life was never stable with her bickering parents that conflicted with not only each other, but also everyone else in the house. Fay and her three sisters never got along well either. She learned to cave herself in her room, leaving her mind to wander to dark crevices that weren't meant to be explored. The pressure continued to crack down on her fragile stature, until she couldn't take it. She felt everything so bad, it was so painful. So much so, that she began to numb out, not feeling a thing at all except blank emptiness. Death seemed better, seemed like an escape. That's why she couldn't wait for Saturday. That's why she couldn't resist the urge that night. There was always something comforting in the way scarlet liquids looks when it is peacefully swimming on your wrist, she thought.