To The Only Guy I've Ever Loved

To My First Love

To My First Love,

I had a dream about you last night. One that kept me up for most of the night and also one that put everything in perspective for me. I know it wasn't real, but it just really got me thinking.

They say that if you love someone, you have to let them go. I love you... Perhaps too much. Even though this saying is supposed to symbolize true love always finding a way to get back. I know that's not the case with us. You won't come back, because I can't handle these thoughts clouding my judgement of you.. Not after you've done everything perfectly. So I'm going to let you go.. I'm going to stay in my world, where I belong. I'm going to miss you more than anything and I don't know how long I'll be able to live with the pain. But I'm willing to try, for your happiness. That's what matters to me. You matter to me.

It's hard to believe a stupid dream led me to this, but I know you'll be happier without me. I'm going to go back to who I was before.. The girl with no emotions, no heart. I'd take that any day over getting hurt. Not that you've ever hurt me. Not on purpose anyway.

I'm pretty sure after everything that's happened it's safe to say that I'm not meant to be in love.

I've always wanted to fall in love, to feel something so strong towards someone. I want to thank you for helping me experience that. I know now, that no matter how bad I want it, it will never be. I'm not going to say I'm sorry, because I'm not. I don't regret any of this. You're an amazing person and I couldn't have asked for a better first love.

Love, The Damaged Girl Who Thought She Could Love Another When She Didn't Even Love Herself