The Way You Are

Down The Rabbit Hole

Instead of heading to the bathroom Curt pops outside. He needs a bit to clear his head. He leans against a wall and closes his eyes for a moment. It isn't that he hasn't had these thoughts before. He just hasn't thought them while being held by the person who inspires them. It was too much for him to cope with. And it was too difficult to hide the reaction. Only now was the blush fully subsiding in the cool night air.

Maybe, he thought to himself, that the feelings had been heightened by the amount of time they had been spending together lately. Roland had just broken it off with a gorgeous girl and seemed to be in a funk every since. Of course, Roland's way of dealing with any kind of issue was to get lost in music. Curt had always come along for the ride. Roland refused to talk about the issue and to be honest Curt let it go partially because he had been suffering jealousy anyway.

Now he thought better of it. He had assumed that Roland's current state was due to that wench of a girl. Now, after what Roland had said to him earlier, he wondered. Was there something else that was getting to him? What did he mean "most of the time"? What could be so serious he couldn't talk to Curt about? They talked about everything. Curt knew things about Roland's past that no one would dream could be true. Curt shared all of his secrets with Roland. Well, almost all. But even then, it wasn't that he was ashamed of this secret or thought Roland would hate him. He knew he could trust his friend with anything. He just was afraid of loosing that. Loosing a friendship that immense. Did Roland not feel he could trust him the same way?

Curt sighed and opened his eyes. There was a couple across the way making out under the street light. They had probably met tonight on the dance floor and wandered out here to get away. It seemed natural the way they melted together under the light. If only his life was that simple. Pushing off the wall he went back inside to the bar deciding to get something to stop the thoughts.

***

"Curt ok?" Manny asked as he sat down next to Roland.

"Yeah, just tired." He said, taking a drink of his beer.

"You ok?" Manny countered.

Roland just gave him a look.

"What? I'm not allowed to worry about my friends?" Manny made an attempt at pouting.

Roland chuckled. "Yes. I'm fine. You guys are taking this way to far."

"Oh we are? Then what's up if it's not such a big deal? Is it about that girl?"

"What girl?" Roland asked.

"Brenda." Manny said seriously.

Roland looked away.

"I'll take that as a yes. I wondered what happened." Manny reached out and shoved Roland on the arm when he didn't respond. "Hey. Come on. What happened?"

Roland sighed, "Nothing happened. That's the problem."

"Oh!" Manny looked surprised. "I though you two were..." He made some odd hand movements indicating his assumptions.

"Nope." Roland took another sip of his beer and stared out at the crowd to try and stop the conversation.

"Can I ask why? She was hot. You guys seemed into each other." Manny pressed.

Hint not taken Roland resolved to answer the question. "She said I was distracted."

Manny laughed. "Distracted. When are you not distracted by music? You're a musician. That shouldn't have mattered."