The Way You Are

Break Down

The club is loud even from outside and Roland instantly regrets agreeing. He just doesn't feel right. Like he's walking on eggshells.

They make their way to the back of the club where some tables are arranged and claim it before anyone else does.

"I'll go get some beers!" Manny says happily.

"What? No shots?!" Ian protests as he follows him away from the table.

Roland takes the seat near the wall so he can watch the crowd and Curt sits next to him. "Glad you decided to come Ro."

Roland just nods and continues looking around at the crowd.

Curt is staring at him and Roland tries to pretend not to notice. He can feel those eyes though. He has always been able to he realizes. There were times when he would be working on something and just know Curt was looking at him. He would look up and their eyes would automatically meet.

"Shots!!" Ian yells and sets down a waiter's tray full of colorful shots.

"What did you get?" Roland asks inspecting a red shot as he comes out of his daze.

"Oh a little of this and a little of that." He nudges Roland. "Things to loosen you up you tense bastard."

Manny comes up behind with the beers. "I told him to slow down but he said something about making sure you had a good time tonight Ro."

Roland was taken aback for a moment. "Me? Why?"

"You need to have some fun mate. Your antisocial tendencies are showing." Ian laughs a bit and hands him another shot. This one is blue. "Care to mix it up? You like the taste of purple right?"

Roland just raises one eyebrow and smiles. "I haven't been that bad have I?"

All three say yes at the same time as if on queue.

Curt smiles at Roland's shocked expression. "Sorry mate... but yeah. You've been a bit rough lately."

Roland looks at each of them in turn. They were trying to be his friends he told himself. He didn't realize he had been so obviously down. He wondered what else he had been obvious about. But tonight he was going to try to not worry about it.

He picked up both shots and downed them one after the other then cocks his head to the side for a moment, "I think these are broken Ian."

"What?" Ian asks looking confused and picking up one for himself.

"I don't taste the purple at all"

Manny passed him his beer, "That's the spirit. Now we just need to get you laid."

Roland, who had just taken a drink, spat it out. "What?!?"

The guys all laughed at his expression and Manny ran off to find some napkins.

Ian never could tell them what all the colors were. They all chatted a little bit about the week while drinking the shots.  After a bit Curt held up his hand for attention.

"I thought we were supposed to be getting away from work."

"And on that note I don't feel bad at all for leaving you blokes." Ian smiled wickedly. "I see a pretty girl over there begging for some of my time." And with that he downed the rest of his beer and walked off.

"He's such an ass." Manny exclaimed as they watched Ian approach a hot blonde by the bar. "And so predictable!"

"Oh leave him be." Roland said. "He's not hurting anyone."

"For now." Manny retorted. "I'm going to go dance a bit. Coming?"

"Nah" both Curt and Roland said at the same time.

"Your loss." And he sauntered off to the middle of the floor.

"We ever going to tell him he dances like a baboon in heat?" Curt laughs

"He seems to enjoy himself so... No. Probably not." Roland laughs too. There are a few moments of silence between them. "Hey. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I'd been acting so poorly."

"Don't worry about it Ro." Curt says as he elbows him in the side. "I figured your mulling over something important. But you know you can always talk to me right?"

"Most of the time."

"It's that big of a deal then?" Curt says suddenly worried.

"It will be fine. It has to be." Roland says as he looks at the empty shot in his hand.

There are a few more moments of silence while Curt tries to wrap his head around what Roland said. This is hardly the place to try and have a real conversation so he decides to continue with Ian's strategy and stands up.

"Care to dance?"

"What?" Roland looks up surprised?

"Come dance with me. We are supposed to be having fun and partying. Not moping." He offers his hand. "Come on. Don't make me go by myself."

Roland looks at him for a few more moments then takes his hand and they head out to the floor. Curt makes sure not to drop Roland's hand, as he is sure he'll bail the second he can. They can see Ian dancing with his new lady friend and Manny doing some kind of jerky twisting dance. Curt stops and looks at Roland. Roland looks at him and then down at their hands still together.

Curt suddenly feels a bit embarrassed. "Sorry." He mumbles and drops Roland's hand.

They begin to dance to the music. It's a new song from a band that they both secretly like but are competitors of. They both know the beat very well. It takes a bit for both of them to loosen up enough to really get into it.

Once he relaxes Roland always seems so comfortable and happy when dancing. Music in general lifts his spirits and he's never been ashamed to move. Curt has always loved this about him.

While dancing he watches Roland and smiles. He has such control of his body. I wonder what else he's good at? Curt thought before he could stop himself. The thought catches him off guard and he stumbles a bit into Roland who catches him effortlessly.

"You ok?" Roland asks.

Curt looks up into Roland's eyes but cant hold them. He turns away and knows he is blushing. "Uh.. Yeah. I'm just a bit worn out. Um. I'm going to head the bathroom. " He says and makes a dash away.

Roland makes his way back to the table and catches someone for another beer. He feels very thirsty and warm.  His body feels like it's tingling and his mind feels like its foggy and got its own beat going on behind his eyes.  He puts his head in his hands and thinks about the way it felt to hold Curt's hand.  He remembers the feeling of Curt in his arms when he caught him and the look he gave him before turning away.  Instantly he chastises himself.

This is his problem. He is a daydreamer and his dreams have started to lead him down a road that he cant follow.