Anxiety (Magi One-Shots)

Kouen's S/O (Namai) Dealings

(Hey guys! Yukino's back and ready to make you cry!! *hopefully anyway. I cried while writing this D:* In anycase, little footnote, Namai is pronounced "Na-may". Also, sorry in advance. Sleepless night and no breakfast. Remember to comment and tell me what you think!! I find any errors I'll take care of them. But I may not find them all!!)

He's still out on the battlefield today, isn't he?

As I stood in the hallway lost in thought, the rain continued to pour down. Water fell from the rooftop on to the ground, creating a miniature version of a small lake that you could only say looked more like a river because of how thin it looked.

He...Kouen will be fighting again today..... won't he?

At the thought, I felt my hands begin to tremble.

Dang it. Don't think about it. Don't you dare think about it, Namai. Don't go there.

But it was too late.

Images of my bloody husband on a battlefield, images of an enemy showing up here in Ryokosho with his head on a stick, images of no longer of seeing that stoic man's rare smile.....that's too much. Even for me, "The Crimson Goddess".

Knowing I was alone for the time being, I allowed one tear to fall.

I recalled how three weeks ago Kouen had announced he would be joining his brother on the battlefield. I was shocked and positively fuming. He hadn't even bother telling me about this advance. Even though I am his wife that didn't seem to mean squat to him.

The day he left was definitely one of the worst fights we had had. In an attempt to act like the nobility I was born into, I had tried to put aside my feelings and had gone to see him off. Only, instead of the calm composure I had planned to send him off with, we ended up having a shouting contest. I even told him he was being selfish and not thinking about those around him, only for him to retaliate.

His exact words were, "I'm the first prince of this Empire and your superior. I have a country to think about, I can't just be focused on you all the time."

Ha. "All the time"? You rarely give me the time of day at all any more. Even in the first months of our marriage you only sent me flowers weeks after a problem I had been brooding over had been resolved......but......

"I know that already, idiot." I know he's busy with everything. From running the Empire, to dealing with his siblings and whatever problem they had created. It's not easy
Even I have been doing everything I can to lighten everyone's work. Even Koumei has been getting more rest than he usually did.

I felt the tears beginning to cascade down my face like an avalanche. "Am I... just not good enough?"

I remembered how we had met on the battlefield. We weren't enemies but even nowadays unless you look at our hands where our rings are and ask who the lucky person is, you wouldn't know.

I let out a strangled laugh and began to openly weep. Trembling, I fell to my knees and cried in my hands, in a last attempt to muffle my cries.

My husband is off at war, and I'm not there to make sure he comes back alive and in one piece. It's been two weeks since there has even been a report from the battlefront and the last one showed no sign of any progress. Not to mention, that fight we had had left us on a really sour note.

That man may be my husband, he may have three metal vessels, but he's still human.

And all humans die in the end. Be it by murder, sickness, or even age, we all die in the end. And the battlefield takes lives no matter who they are. Be they newbies or experienced soldiers. Anybody can die on that bloody battlefield.